Joke time

[Davo]

Ted nice. 

Whats the difference between a dead bass player and a dead squirrel?

The squirrel MIGHT have been going to a gig.

[launched]

Here's another bass player joke - I already posted it somewhere, but it kind of fits the thread:


A guy goes to take bass lessons and on the first day, he learns the E string. On day two he learns the A string. On day three it was a no show because he was already gigging!

[Ted]

Q: HO many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None.  The keyboardist does it with his left hand.


Q. What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?

A. Homeless.


Q. What do you call a bass player with a beeper?

A. An optimist.


Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?

A. A pizza can feed a family of four.


Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light


Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. One. Five. One. Five.


Q.  What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

A.  One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.


Q. If a drummer and a bassist caught a cab, which one would be the musician?

A. The cab driver


Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?


Johnny starting playing bass as a child, and his encouraging mother always kept his spirits high and made him proud to be a bassist. One day he came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we did numbers, and most kids only got to ten, but I went to twenty!"

"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The next day, Johnny came home saying,"Mommy! Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and everyone else stopped at P, but I made it all the way to Z!"

"That's Great Johnny!" his mother replied, "That's because you're a bass player!"
Excited, Johnny ran upstairs and practiced the bass.

The next day, Johnny came home excited once again. "Mommy! Mommy! Today They measured us and I'm the tallest in my class! Is that because I'm a bass player?"

"No Johnny," his Mother said, "That's because you're 28."


I culled these all from here, here, and here.

[Geir]

Sorry bosko .........

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"

"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer."

[Geir]

Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison.

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put sheet music in front of him.

Q - What do you get when you cross Yngwie with an octopus?
A - A guy that can play a Steve Vai transcription!

Q - How is lightning like a guitarist's fingers?
A - Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.



Q - What's the difference between a BR owner and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

[Saijinn Maas]

At a U2 show recently, Bono, after a song, asked for complete and total silence. After all was quiet and still, Bono started to clap his hands slowly. After about 20 seconds of clapping, he said, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

Silence for a few seconds more.

Then a voice from the front shouts out, "Then stop clappin' you evil bastard!"

[SteveG]

Brilliant!!! That is soooo funny

Did that really happen?

[Ted]

Brilliant!!! That is soooo funny

Did that really happen?

I reeeeally wanted to believe this was a true story, but according to Snopes, it's not.

[SteveG]

Brilliant!!! That is soooo funny

Did that really happen?

I reeeeally wanted to believe this was a true story, but according to Snopes, it's not.

Awwwwww

Interesting read that Snopes piece tho.

[Davo]

I like this thread.