A pirate walks into a bar.....

[tkofaith]

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bar tender says, "What's with the paper towel?" The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

He he he....a bounty on his head...brilliant!

[Bro]

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

I did as a matter of fact, start to laugh.. ALONE!

By my self in my room!!

(that means its a good joke).. Erh Jesus you get the point 

[beleg]

A pirate walks in to a bar and buys everyone in the place a round. As the bartender pours the drinks he asks the pirate, "So,  what is the reason for this celebration"?  The pirate says, "Arr, I am happy because I am changing professions. A Pirates life is no longer for me". "Ohh" said the bartender, "what is your new job going to be?"  The pirate replies "I am going to be a professional boxer; people have been telling me for years that I have a killer left hook"

[Oldrottenhead]

i guy goes into a bar and sez to the barman.
can i use your toilet?
of cousrse sez the barman.
it's just i take salts sez the guy.
dont worry about it sez the barman.

at the end of the night the barman is locking up the bar going round switching off all the lights, when he goes into the gents toilets, there is shit everywhere. on the floor on the ceiling on the walls.

next night they guy comes into the bar, the barman asks him, hey buddy what kind of salts do you take?

somersaults sez the guy.

[s.w.goatlips]

I used to work in bars. One night a guy walked in and placed a tiny piano on the bar. I asked what it was for, so he pulled a box out from under his coat and from the box he pulled out a very small man, just big enough to sit on the bar and play the tiny piano. I said, "wow, where did you get that?" and so he pulled out a small bottle. "it's a genie bottle" he explained. "Give it a rub", so I rubbed the bottle and sure enough, out came a genie and said "make a wish". I thought for a minute and said "I wish for a million bucks". POOOF. Smoke everywhere and suddenly there was a million DUCKS flying all around the room, quacking, crapping everywhere. I said "You idiot, I asked for a million Bucks, not Ducks!" The guy with the bottle replied..." You think I asked for a nine inch pianist?"

[Satchwood]

Ahhhhhhhhhh that's funny s.w.goatlips!!!

[Tony W]

Awesome joke Goatlips!

[mr2kewl]

a man with a wooden eye walks into a dance club and with his good eye, sees an atractive lady with a prosthetic leg who is not dancing.

walks up to her and asks "Care to dance?"

not getting many invites, she excitedly replies, "Would I?"

"Peg leg!" he retorts.

LMSAO

[Migs]

not getting many invites, she excitedly replies, "Would I?"

"Peg leg!" he retorts.

bwaahahahhah

I bet he'll never go down on one knee.

*boom tish*

[Tony W]

a man with a wooden eye walks into a dance club and with his good eye, sees an atractive lady with a prosthetic leg who is not dancing.

walks up to her and asks "Care to dance?"

not getting many invites, she excitedly replies, "Would I?"

"Peg leg!" he retorts.

LMSAO

That took me entirely too long and too many reads to get. It's still funny as hell though!