I almost strangled my cat

Blooby · April 03, 2010, 05:36:43 AM

So I have this cat that's been rebelling against the litter box. I have set up three new boxes with new litter in different parts of the house.

About five minutes ago, I was cruising songcrafters with Frodo the cat lounging on the rug behind my chair. I heard the distinct sound of tinkling on the carpet, and I became a tad enraged. I got up abruptly to grab the cat, but he ran off behind the stereo...very afraid.

I noticed that the litter had been used. Hmmm, I went back in to the computer room to check the carpet, and it was then that the rain stick next to the door cascaded a few more needles to the haunting tune of a cat pissing on a carpet.

I'll now have to cook him a whole ham or steer to make amends.

Who knew they modeled the sound of a rain stick after a cat urinating on the floor? Go figure.

Blooby

Bluesberry · April 03, 2010, 05:55:09 AM

HaHaHa, great story. Its a good thing you never got a hold of the cat before you figured it out, ouch. You should use that rain stick in a song, the delicate sound of a cat peeing. A version of Cat Scratch Fever perhaps, done Blooby style.

lg · April 03, 2010, 05:57:05 AM

Too funny!
LOL

LG

launched · April 03, 2010, 06:54:08 PM

And a cat never forgets, so you might have to make him that ham.

Man, I love a good ham shoulder with a brown sugar baste. Mmmmmmmmm.

SE · April 03, 2010, 07:00:26 PM

Great story, used to have pets too but my new wife is not to keen. Have had lots of dogs to many to count, use to have a cat too but the thing would,nt listen to a blind thing I told it, just did what it wanted, dogs are thick just do as there told.

64Guitars · April 03, 2010, 07:56:13 PM

An old one, but a good one...

How to give a cat a pill:

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill
down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
Tie the little b@#$%'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.