"goodbye" take 2

[gingertilly18]

hi guys i didnt know how to change the mp3 file in my original thread 
so started a new one 

this is the second take, i tried to re mix it with new lead but found that the vocals in the middle got lost and the lead needed to be louder but just wanted feedback on the new lead riff so to speak?
i will eventually get round to re recording my songs but i just want to get a feel for them first. uni starts in a few weeks so i will have more time then 
bloody students 

thanks for the responses

michael

[The Reverend 48]

IMO your cool vocal style reminds me of Lou Reed which means its slightly dischordant so any lead guitar needs to be sweet and contrasting...try A minor pentatonic scale...you get near it on the final solo..keep crafting this cos you have a real good song here........

[fenderbender]

48 wrote

IMO your cool vocal style reminds me of Lou Reed

yeh I agree there michael-the song has something about it 
definitely -go back to it again

well done

[OsCKilO]

With 48 with this one.....


I Like the style you have tried on this one..... But It needs to tighten up at some point (Like the Chorus) just to let everyone that the discord was on purpose (and not a string of mistakes...)......

Vocal is Very Cool on This one......

I can see this turning into a great Song!


Peace

T(Osckilo)

[OsCKilO]

Hold on.......


You are a drummer as well......


A tight Chorus with some drums would set this off a treat!

[launched]

It's getting much better! Agree with the Lou Reed comments - Cool!

T is right - some trapkit would work well here. Maybe as the song builds up.

Mark

[guitarron]

very cool-i hear that velvet underground vibe
its a keeper
these summer days are dwindling arent they

[Ted]

I'd like to hear that dissonant guitar panned all the way to one side at a slightly lower level--like an unresolved emotion weighing in the back of your mind.

Here I am bitching about panning again!  Your songs are great.  I want to hear them in stereo!