Posting songs for feedback

[cato1]

I keep starting new song ideas and don't finish them, I start more.  Now I am overwhemed with song ideas and want to ask for some feedback and perhaps encouragement on one that I should work on. 

Here's two song ideas.....stream of conciousness type stuff. ...so the lyrics don't  make all that much sense.  Just song ideas at the moment.
Any type of encouragement or feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
~~Kate~~

[BossMicroBRew]

I suffer from the same Micro-disability. I have a handful of samples (I'll call them) that seem to be decent ideas but are generally less than 1:30.

I really like the WAKINg piece. Turn the vox up a notch or three and keep plugging away. It sounds good to me.

[Kody]

You have a good voice- Is that a little distortion on the vocals on that first song? I like it!- Catchy melody......

Keep up the good work!

[cato1]

Thanks guys
Ok....I've deicde to stick with the Waking Song.  A GREAT start. I will work on that one. I've decided.  AMaZiNg.  I removed the other song idea.....cuz I'll probably start getting confused and going from one to the other.  One thing at a time. 

Now....I guess the next step is some help in some format or structure to complete the song.  This is probably an easy operation for many people....but for me it is absolute Chaos to even contemplate a structure.  As weird as that sounds.  I'm begging for some guidance here.
If there is anyone who may be able to take the time out to guide me though a very simple structure process ........ I hate to even suggest....line by line..........but......I'm afraid this is a necessity for my process. 
I appreciate anyone who may be able to guide me here, so I can complete a damn song.  I'm bound and determined!!!!! I think.

~~Kate~

We could correspond through Private Message??

[indierik]

Kate, I absolutely love it!!! Do you play the music as well, guitar ect...? Reminds me of one of my favorite artists P.J. Harvey!! The sound quality could use some improvement.

I don't know if I could help you much in the way of structure but what helped me allot is purchasing Ron Greene's Rhythm Dial. It's a dial of Chord progressions. I use it all the time and it helps me not only to figure out where to go next, but, more importantly with changes within the song, like chorus's parts ect....

As for music I usually do something like this:
1. First chord progression (repeat 4 to 8 times)
2. A change (chorus part, repeat 4 times)
3. back to original progression
 ( same as part 1)
4. Chorus again (same as part 2)
5. A break, just the drums or drum and bass, guitar solo, i don't know, just something different
6. Back to first step,
7. chorus.
8. end


As for lyrics I don't like lyrics that repeat themselves too much, a little is fine, like with the chorus, but if they repeat themselves too much it shows a lack creativity, or effort IMO.

If you let me know what chords and/or keys you are in I might be able to help you with the music, I'd love to collaborate with you. I really like your voice and style of singing, which is big in my book. The lyrics, they don't always have to have some profound meaning, music is a way to expressing yourself in ways that words often fail. If were where gifted Rhetorically we'd be writing books.

[Glenn Mitchell]

My impressions:
Plus: Excellent feel, energy, vocal tones. Good melody.
negs: production (distorted, lack of separation)
My take on the delivery as a song is that you have no spaces to use as a foil or contrast or time for the listener to think.
I tend to do the same thing but am now trying to leave a bar or two between lines for other things to happen. (other instruments? riffs?)
This is particularly hard to allow for when you do it all yourself.

[Bluesberry]

I really like the sound of your voice.  This is really a great start.  I like the chord change 2/3 rds in.  As far as songwriting is concerned, what I would suggest is to listen to songs you really like.  Really listen and analyze the song.  Figure out the sections, what is a verse, chorus, bridge,  map it out.  figure out the chord changes.  Do this for a few songs you really like and you will see song structure very well.  Don't feel that you are copying a song, just see what they are doing and why.  This approach has helped my songwriting a lot (all 4 complete songs I have written so far  ).  Every time I start a new song I try to do something a little different just to see what works.

I really like the sound of what you have here (bring your voice up a bit in the mix).

[StevieM]

Hi Cato, I haven't been on here long either, but they're a great bunch.
Really like your voice, got a couple of things ( when they've got music to ) that could do with female vocals. Interested in having a look when they're ready?

[cato1]

Thanks everyone for the support
Just need to get to it.

[wrland2]

I listened to your song and I really like the basic guitar riffs and changes you got going on; the vocals too - all very nice.
     My Suggestions: Some things you could do to mix it up would be to have an interesting intro of some sort - maybe just some guitar with no drums and no vocals, or maybe just a little singing (like someone absentmindedly singing or even whistling to themself the theme/hook/gist of your song) without anything else. and then begin the song as you have it with drums, etc.
     Now as I imagine your just working out some of the vocal patterns and changes in your song - based on your stream of conciousness statement, etc. That's why I think somebody said above you don't give the listener a break - as in singing in each bar. You could definitely intersperse the vocals a bit more, but I'm assuming that's what you'll do anyways. It's overfilled as it stands.
     Your first verse as I would call it seems to be 16 beats long, repeated 4 times in your demo before you break into the change. I would keep the lyrics to 2 bars of that unless you have something really fabulous to say as in great story lyrics that grab people, or I would definitely suggest mixing up the vocal harmony in that section if you keep the length in order to make it sound different/more interesting/non repetitive.
     I like your break - if I may call it that. Very nice chord at 47sec. The end of your song ends as if your about to reenter into your original verse chords. I would like to see a different chord change or a new pattern of chords to mix it up rather than just going into the original verse, and then end with your original verse music. I think you should find a good vocal hook or chorus for that music to end your song in a strong fashion. I would suggest Wake Up as part of your hook.
     You sound as if your singing about someone not noticing what is in front of them in terms of love, and not noticing it - as in wake up and take notice of me or the good thing you have in front of you (sleeper awaken), rather than following your same fruitless patterns.
     Good luck and sorry for the long post. It looks like I'm going to be recording a bunch of songs this weekend with some folks and I'm getting ready to make creative decisions based on the amount of time and songs we are going to record. peace, W.