The Critter Caper - Farrell Jackson

[Farrell Jackson]

The Critter Caper

This isn't music related but it might be a future song lyric, lol, or at
least give you a chuckle. This is a true adventure that happened a couple of years ago.

Two nights ago I was awaken at 3:30 am by the sound of a scratching noise.
We sometimes keep the bedroom door open at night (with security screen locked)
to allow a natural breeze to flow. The door opens into my screened in back
porch area. I got up, had a look around, and saw or heard nothing. I wrote it
off as just hearing things go bump in the night or a dream and forgot
about it. The next night I was awaken again by the same noise at 1:30 am and
went through the same steps...nothing... but this time my wife heard it also.

The next morning I started checking things out in the porch area and in my
bedroom. After searching for a while with no signs I finally found some small
animal or reptile droppings behind our large closet hutch which is way too
heavy to move. I managed to fish them out and it was definitely not mice
or rat droppings at all as I suspected it to be.

I went to Google and started searching for critter poop pictures to help
identify it. You've gotta love the internet for this type of obscure detective work.
The closest poop pictures I found were from a frog, an iguana, or a possum but
size wise it didn't fit the possum poop criteria so I ruled that out and focused on
a lizard of some sort.

Well my wife is scared to death of lizards and she freaked out when I told her
what I suspected. She wanted to call the Lizard Busters out.
and she wasn't going to stay in the house another moment until that thing was
caught. Of course I find this hilarious, lol!!!!!!!! She finally
calmed down after I quit rolling on the floor laughing and said I would come up
with a plan to get it gone. So she uneasily went off to work.

I continued to search throughout the day for signs but nothing. So I figured
it was a nocturnal critter and I would have to wait until the night time. I knew
Gayle would love that idea. My plan was to humanely trap it but not kill it.
The only devices I found at the hardware store were the rat glue traps.
Since I didn't know what the critter was or it's exact size, the large sticky
rat glue trays seemed a good solution. Even if it wasn't drawn to the peanut butter
bait it might run across the tray, get stuck, and wouldn't be able to hide with
the tray stuck to it's foot. It seemed like a good plan, right? I thought so.

I did convince my wife to stay in the bedroom that night by explaining
we both knew I would fall sound asleep, snore away, and not hear a thing, 
while she would sleep with one eye open and hear everything. I reasoned it
was our only hope at ridding ourselves of the un-invited house guest.
She reluctantly agreed. So I set up the glue traps, with a flash light on
the night stand, a broom, and a baseball bat for back up just in case....
and the plan was set in motion.

As expected I fell fast asleep and she didn't. At 12:30 I'm abruptly awaken by my wife
shaking my leg and she whispers "It's here, I see it" Of course I'm still half
asleep, wondering the what the flip is going on and what is here? As
I slowly begin to wake up and I spring into action. She tells me she saw the
critter....it's an animal bigger than a wharf rat so be careful. I'm thinking "holy crap, now it's
baseball bat time......"

I flip on all the lights and check the glue traps. One
has been moved beneath the hutch and is partially sticking out. Again I'm thinking "uh oh, but
success!" I cautiously bend down and take a peek and there's no critter stuck to
the trap, "what the heck, how big is this thing anyway?" I then begin the search
because there's no way Gayle is staying in the house any longer until it's gone, lol.

I finally find it hiding behind the hutch in the corner. It was a baby possum.
Yes larger than a lab rat but it seemed harmless. So I beat it to a pulp with
the bat and threw it in the garbage......no just kidding, lol! I pushed it out
into the open with the broom handle, all the while it was using it's defense mechanism playing
possum (acting dead). I threw a towel over it, gathered it up, thought about
releasing it in my neighbor's back yard for a laugh but didn't.

I live a couple hundred feet from a river bottom walnut orchard so that's where I released
it and where it most likely came from. That was the end of the big critter caper
and it was peaceful at the Jackson's house once again.

I suppose we'll be a bit more cautious about leaving our back doors open during
the spring time when small animals and reptiles are beginning to move about. I
know Gayle will without a doubt, LOL! It's been slow since then but I thought
you might get a kick out of my critter adventure......

FJ the "Critter Buster"

[Speed Demon]

It was probably a baby Chupacabra. Just you wait until it grows up.