A song that I wrote more than 10 years ago - too hard a cost?

[UtopiaBlues]

Hi folks
I have remastered a song that I wrote and recorded more than 10 years ago (after the death of my father). Now I'm reading the lyrics and I'm unsure whether it's a bit too angry for the listener?

What do you feel, if you are completely objective?

Thank you very much for your feedback.

Best regards from Switzerland

Stefan

"Ground"
How am I down?
I look like a sad clown.
I feel like a stone,
Lying all alone
On the ground of this world

How am I cracked?
Oh, Mr. "perfect"
Look down on me
What a shame to see
To the ground of this world

Down clown stone alone
Cracked perfect me to see
Oh what a shame to see,
What a shame to be s shame!

Spit on me, guy
And if I want to try
Climb back to the floor
Just kick me once more
Just kick me once more
Just kick me once more to the ground of this world!
How am I down?

Here if you like, you can listen to it:
https://on.soundcloud.com/3T2eqHa31r2HB7TX9

[TPB]

Very nice I like the use of  the different instruments and liking the vocals
Tim

[BerryPatch]

Really cool song Utopia! I think the lyrics are great for this, musically this track is very intense and I think the dark and angry words fit. I love the vocal and the noisey guitars that come in, reminds me of Tom Waits. Excellent track

[UtopiaBlues]

thank you very much for your words, it does me good to receive your feedback.

it's actually just a ukulele that i had put through a distortion device...
i played the solo spontaneously after the recording man encouraged me to do so.
i hope i will never again have such a rage in me to have to write such a song.
i have become a lot calmer...
all the best.

[chapperz66]

Powerful stuff, Utopia.  Stripped back arrangement right up to the point where the distortion-laden uke kicked in.

Stay calm.  But is you don't manage to stay calm, channel it into stuff like this.

Unique.

[Zoltan]

This is very interesting! Different. Vibey!

Like Mr Chaps said. Unique! Great vocals too.

[StephenM]

this was a great way to express your anger toward your father... better to rid yourself of it and admit and channel it positively... kind of like "see you later, I wish I could miss you but I don't"...

deep and powerful..
the vocals remind me of Bob Dylan on steroids... the track goes completely bonkers and off the wall but I dig that... it really hits the nail on the head...

thanks for sharing... this had to be hard... and it sounds like you have moved on past this quite well! 

[Ted]

Raw and cathartic.

Not every punk song is in the punk genre.

[UtopiaBlues]

Thank you very much for your lines

Powerful stuff, Utopia.  Stripped back arrangement right up to the point where the distortion-laden uke kicked in.

Stay calm.  But is you don't manage to stay calm, channel it into stuff like this.

Unique.

I agree with you, anger is also part of life. And it's better to do something constructive with it....

This is very interesting! Different. Vibey!

Like Mr Chaps said. Unique! Great vocals too.

Many thanks

this was a great way to express your anger toward your father... better to rid yourself of it and admit and channel it positively... kind of like "see you later, I wish I could miss you but I don't"...

deep and powerful..
the vocals remind me of Bob Dylan on steroids... the track goes completely bonkers and off the wall but I dig that... it really hits the nail on the head...

thanks for sharing... this had to be hard... and it sounds like you have moved on past this quite well! 

Thx for your words and your sympathy. I wasn't angry at my father, 'only' at his death. It seemed really unfair to me, especially at the time. But I don't want to go into it any further....
It was 11 years ago. Life has gone on and has brought me many wonderful things :-)
I worte a song about hope and new beginning. If you like you can listen to it. its swissgerman, so you want understand...
https://soundcloud.com/nordliecht/mond-master-24-bit_44-1-khz

Verse 1:
It smells
Like it's over
It smells
Of roses and wine

Of fire and free
Of clouds and May
Of honey and blood
Heartbeat and courage

Refrain:
And you hang
You hang in a tree
And you point to the moon
But you don't mean the moon

Because you're dreaming
You're dreaming of tomorrow
And you point to the moon
But you don't mean the moon

Verse 2:
It smells
Like it's over
It smells
Of roses and wine

Like Eve and forever
Of earth and bliss
After tears and word(s)
Embrace and away (away)

Bridge:
You rock forwards
You sway back
You take a deep breath
You breathe out deeply
As soon as the sun comes
You set off x

i hope you can understand the hope without words

Raw and cathartic.

Not every punk song is in the punk genre.

yes, punk is very angry music. i listened to a lot of nirvana when i was young, for example. maybe you can hear that a bit

[thetworegs]

I enjoyed the waits kinda backing but the gem is the vocal loved it