"Get A Clue" MBR original by Hardlock - critics needed!

[hardlock]

Hi all - need your expert advice again.  Gee, lots of great work coming up I see here.... I'll find the time to check it out soon......

Anyway, been busy with this piece.  Kind of proud of it but maybe I'm too close to it?  You be the judge and don't go easy on me or I won't learn anything and thanks for the listen! 

Get a clue (c) Ken J Hill 2010
---------------------------------------------------------
I never could deceive you
      babe you know it's true

I said I'd never leave you
      but things are looking kinda blue

We're now just like a tattered towel
      that's frayed in every way

Splitting at the seams you see
      more apart each day
--------------------------------------------------
First come all the expectations
      why I do not know

Then there are the obligations
      given time to grow

And finally come the ultimatums
      that I now have to pay

We must resolve these nagging troubles
      can't wait another day
-------------------------------------------------
LEAD BREAK
-------------------------------------------------
Your agenda with its hopes and dreams
      are good and fine for you

But if they're built without the means
      then you haven't got a clue

It seems the cart's been before the horse
      and now the payments due

You have your goals they are your course
      but I deserve some too
-------------------------------------------------

[drumbum]

This is something I could sink my drums into..nice blues

[Kenneth]

That's some nice work there Ken, dont think you need any advice!

The singing was perfect for the song, nice and relaxed, the guitar was , well the word "tasty" keeps popping up, so i'm going to use it!

[lg]

no you do not need any advice!
But, here's a tiny suggestion.....
A little keyboard would sound awesome in the mix....

LG

[launched]

This is pretty slick, Ken! Sounds great on my headphones - Excellent job, well done!

Mark

[Nelson]

Ken   Too Cool
Another nice one.
Bring the vocals up, just a bit in the mix.
I like the cool vocal delivery.
Small stumble in delivery here: It seems the cart's been before the horse
But Outstanding lyrics.

This is one of the coolest musical arrangements I've heard in a while.
Simple but everything fits and brings something to the piece... no fluff...no excess just a lot of COOL
What a talent...

Nelson

[lectric]

Grreat song Ken.  Love the guitar parts.  Well you asked for advice sooo.... Sometimes you rhyme every other line and sometimes not. I think just rhyming 2 and 4 would be fine. Here is an example...
I could never deceive you
Babe you know its true
I said that I would never leave
But things are looking pretty blue

Now we are like a tattered towel
Thats frayed in every way
The seams are splitting further
more apart with every day

We all have our expectations
What yours are I do not know
But if we are to stay togeather
We have to let them grow

And finally come the ultimatums
now its time for us to pay
We have to make our goals the same
We cant wait another day

Also you have a great voice voice I think you could go up an other octive or two. And The bass could be louder.  Anyway these are just ideas, The song is great as it is. ....Ted

[hardlock]

Wow, thanks all for the advice and compliments!  I'll admit it, I don't put that much effort into lyrics as I do the music as I'm coming into song writing late in the game.

Lectric, I see your point and your version does flow much better.  Sorry can't sing any higher as I have no range at all.

[Bluesberry]

This is smoking Ken, really like this.  This is your style, this suits your vocals and guitar playing very much.  It has a old school feel to this, lots of echo, smoky late night kind of blues rock, sorta Fleetwood Mac style.  Very good over all.  Great bass line, heavy and moving nice.  Not much to improve on really, its a beaut.

[stoman]

Very nice indeed!

Some observations I made (since you asked):

- The instruments all seem to be fighting for the right to be most upfront. I'd say bring the guitars down by at least 3-4 dB.

- The lead guitar has some unpleasant high frequencies. Try reducing them around 2-4 kHz.

- There should be nothing in the center but the kick, the snare, the bass and the vocals. I'm only listening over cheap PC speakers, and they aren't placed well, but it seems to me that there is too much going on in the center.

- The mix seems a little muddy (may be my speakers though). Check the 600-800 Hz area!

Other than that: Good job! I'll listen again (later) on head phones.

Regards,
  Steffen