First song I've ever written - "Why"

[AndyR]

I turned the bass to max on my monitors and still had a hard time hearing it, ... don't be shy, I do think you know what you're doing there, so for your next post turn up the bass.
If in doubt just keep the root note and follow the bass-drum on the pattern you've chosen, that usually works for most songs as a start.

A big +1 on all of this

[chapperz66]

A very solid first song - and a lot better that you seem to think.  You should be proud - but move on and knock out a few more.  As far as bass lines go, you can't go too far wrong if you put in a few lines made up of root, fifth and octave.

Paul

[scottieD]

Thanks everyone!  This is very encouraging!  If anyone wants to help me improve/beef up this song send me a message.  I just posted the lyrics and chords above.  There is actually a bass track, but it's just me lamely noodling root notes, low in the mix.  I don't know how to play bass.  I also don't really know how to go about effectively adding background vocals.  And I also don't play much lead guitar. . .   Should I add a section of chords without vocals in the middle somewhere for a lead guitar break?  Where would that normally go?

Great first song...really good.  Just keep playing, as simple as that - play the song over and over, with the bass til it sounds good - what's the worst that can happen.  Lead guitar?  I've only played 3 solos - on my last 3 songs!  Be fearless!  You've got the talent...and put the lead break wherever the hell you want - it's your song!!

[SwanSong]

GREAT SONG great images in lyrics. very classic
rock song style. but unique in its own way . enjoyed
the listen a bunch take care Neil

Listen to my latest i was loving u yesterday

[Krasi]

It sounds very nice and I dont know on what recorder you did it but on my mbr its not possible to record more than one instrument at a time..I think?
You sing very well and like someone else said you probably need only a bass and it would be perfect. I bought one from ebay for 30 pounds and use it to complete some ideas and it really adds to the song.

[des0free]

It sounds very nice and I dont know on what recorder you did it but on my mbr its not possible to record more than one instrument at a time..I think?
You sing very well and like someone else said you probably need only a bass and it would be perfect. I bought one from ebay for 30 pounds and use it to complete some ideas and it really adds to the song.

It was done with the MBR.  It is possible on the MBR to record the guitar input and microphone at the same time.  This is hidden away in the manual somewhere.  You go to input and hit mic then set the sensitivity and effects, then hit guitar and set the sensitivity and effects, then press both buttons at once (hold one, press the other) to select both mic + guitar for input.  Then you can record both, and you can record them stereo onto two tracks if you press two track buttons at once.  But unfortunately it doesn't seem to be possible, as far as I could determine, for mic and guitar to end up separately recorded on two different channels, so I couldn't adjust their relative levels during mixing.  I'm not sure why they couldn't have let you simultaneously record mic + guitar as two separate mono channels.  Oh well.

[SteveB]

DEE - If this is your first written song then you've cracked the formula at first attempt. 
This conjured up an acoustic image of Bruce Springsteen's Radio Nowhere, both in lyric & style, and that's no bad thing. The playing, vocal and production are quite superb, as well as being darned catchy to boot. Well done.

On a broader canvas, and as others have mentioned, sometimes even the best songs are helped/improved by subtle flavourings, which include guitar solos, backing vocals, keyboards/strings etc. It is too big and too subjective a topic to tackle here, but listening to the arrangements of successful songs never hurts. Try to imagine The Beatles' 'Yesterday' without the strings. Sure, it would be a nice acoustic/vocal song still, but add the strings and you have something which leaps out at yer heart.

You have the talent, use it well.

[StephenM]

pretty darn good for a first song....really like it....

[des0free]

pretty darn good for a first song....really like it....

I almost completely forgot about this song.  It was during a brief period ~10 years where, emboldened by listening to people post their creations here, I started attempting to write songs.  In the intervening 10 years I've mostly just focused on covers and trying to improving my playing and singing, and also have been too busy.  Actually I find listening to this now a little embarrassing - the singing isn't too good and I could probably do better now...

* Edit: I just grabbed my guitar and tried to remember how to play this -- it was kind of fun -- trying to "cover myself" -- clearly when I wrote down the chords they were in the wrong position relative to the words, but I think I got it and could possibly redo it better.  And StephenM told me he might also give it a go too *

Looking back, I think this one was a bit better:  https://songcrafters.org/forum/index.php?topic=7396
 

[StephenM]

not that this song needed anything at all to be better because to me this is a really good song...all the way around...sure, as with any song...there are a thousand things that can be done to it... I am playing with this....and will be for a while... here is a sneak peek...so far...since des0free is in Cali... I figured a little pshychadelic add would be fitting... I have more plans.. I had a bit of free time at work so here is how I spent it...there are no additions outside of what des0free used originally...strictly file manipulation....and a bit of patience....this is so fun for me!
I resonate with Am chord... for some reason it is my favorite on guitar... i hear keyboards when I hear that chord... there is something there that resonates with me...likely a big part of why I love this song so much....