First song I've ever written - "Why"

[des0free]

This is the first song I've ever written.  My initial aim when I joined the site was to just practice covers, but this is "songcrafters", so I finally thought why not try?

There were actually a few minor attempts over the last couple of years, but they were always quickly aborted within 10 minutes as "total crap".

Then a few days ago I told Geir I didn't know how to write a song, and he said "WHEN you write your first song just post it".

So I knocked this out in a few hours and for the first time felt I had something that, while not too great, at least may have promise?  This is a rough cut - I played guitar and sung together onto one track.

[soundclick]8965030[/soundclick]

Here are the lyrics and chords (played relative to capo on 2nd fret)

Am                       G          Am        G
Am                       G          Am        G
Sapphire stars in an emerald sky

Am                                    G             Am        G
Telescopes are peering, but I don't know why

Am                       G       Am       G
Darkness, darkness, every-where

Am                                G        Am    
The universe is empty, but I don't care
  
C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

      C        G              Am      G
are we shooting rockets in the sky?

Am                G       Am       G
Life's on earth, not in the sky

            Am                          G         Am     G    
There're people down here who try and try

            Am                           C   G    Am  
There're people down here who cry and cry

C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

         C          G                  Am      G
are we shooting rockets in the sky?

Dm                   Am
Working so hard, but to what end?

Dm                   Am
Working so hard, but to what end?

Em                          Am
Always staring at the dark

Em                            Am
Better off sitting in the park

C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

         C          G                  Am      G
are we shooting rockets in the sky?

Am                G       Am       G
Life's on earth, not in the sky

            Am                          G         Am     G    
There're people down here who try and try

            Am                           C   G    Am  
There're people down here who cry and cry

C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

         C          G                  Am      
are we shooting rockets in the sky?

C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

C      G   Am    
Why, oh, why?

[lg]

I like it as it is!
It doesn't need help.
Catchy tune.

LG

[T.C. Elliott]

What's not good about it? I enjoyed it quite a bit. Honestly, I'm surprised this is the first song you've ever written. If you heard most of the first 10 or 20 I wrote you'd be pretty darn proud of yourself.
Good job.

[SE]

Well done great first effort, nice vox and guitar , what not to like.

[djbride]

I think it sounds good, if this is your first attempt then you should really keep trying and write more songs. Just like playing guitar when you first pick it up you can't play but you practice and the same with songwriting keep working on it and you will get better. Great first song, don't give up.

[Tangled Wires]

This is already more than half decent, it is a really well written and constructed song, and it has a superb melody throughout. Strong and smooth vocal as well.

Looking forward to more originals from you now!

[Bluesberry]

You have a great style, very melodic.  Nice lyrics that really work.  The chord changes are great, a little variety.  Its a keeper.  Great job, you can't stop now.  I don't know if you have a bass on not, but some bass would really fill this out nice.  A little solo of some kind never hurts to mix it up, guitar, harmonica.  A little fill goes a long way, but hey look at my songs, filled up to the brim, what do I know.  I do like the simplicity of this, maybe it needs nothing, other than some vocal harmonies at a few places.

[launched]

I think deep down everybody wants to write a song, and so few ever make that dream come true. It's great that you have joined the club!

Your first effort is fantastic, just like the others have said. And, you can take it as far as you want now. The first step is done.

Then a few days ago I told Geir I didn't know how to write a song, and he said "WHEN you write your first song just post it".

Solid words from a songwriting guru!


Anyway, great job - Write another one!

Mark

[OsCKilO]

This is Great Writing and a Great Performance!!!!


I Love it Man!!!!

[SwanSong]

Hi there liked this song and agree with all comments
and i had the same experience when i wrote my first original
song. i find that as they said just post it  . and watch the reeactions
you can always embellish it later on and  revise. but this osng
sounds good as is . well done  ..................Take care Neil