The amusing (and random) personal anecdote thread

[Greeny]

Ha ha!!!!!! Nice one, James.

Most of my stories aren't repeatable, lol. But...

One of the funniest things I've seen / heard was in Amsterdam. I was on a mad stag weekend, and after a full day of booze / spliff, we were all out for a late night session. In the same bar were a bunch of guys dressed as monks (cassocks, crosses, the full works) getting VERY drunk and disorderly and throwing a dildo around. One of the lads in our group (who wasn't the sharpest tool in the box) watched these 'monks' with growing irritation before moaning that: 'I can't believe those monks are getting away with behaving like that! What are they doing in Amsterdam anyway? They're a disgrace to their order!". The pillock. He almost topped this as we flew back into London. As we were coming into land over the THOUSANDS of cars in the airport car parks, another friend of mine said to him: 'I can see your car down there, Martin!". "Wow! Really?" he says, diving for the window. "No, you f*cking twat" says my friend dryly.

Maybe you had to be there, lol.

I was in Barcelona a couple of years ago with my girlfriend. We ended up one lunchtime drinking from a bottle of wine and a litre of limoncello in Placa Real (one of the main squares). So I'm getting drunker and drunker, sitting around - then lying around - on the dusty flagstones. After a while, my girlfriend points out what I'd been oblivious to: namely, that in the holiday spirit, I hadn't put my underwear on that morning, and my entire genitalia were hanging out of a rip in the crotch of my jeans. I should have probably been arrested... !!!!!

[Flash Harry]

Cleats are those things that keep your feet connected to the pedals of bikes.  Sometimes too well connected.

Anyone who has ridden a bike with cleats will know the experience of the first time you get to some traffic lights and stop before you actually unclip your foot.  It happens in slow motion.  You pull to a halt then attempt to put your foot on the ground.  Then your brain realises that your foot is securely attached to the pedal.  Then there is a period of panic as you approach the ground - still hopelessly to remove your foot.

You never do this when there isn't a crowd.  Even if you aren't physically hurt, the emotional hurt and embarrassment is what gets ya.

Oh yes, I've done that at junctions and traffic lights, ususally because I've over-tightend them. Very embarrassing.

[Blooby]

So my girlfriend is hosting a charity garage sale at the school where I work.  It is my job to close the school and set the alarms when all is done.  I will first have to run an errand in a music store where all I'm doing is picking up a binder of information from the owner.

I'm chopping wood in the back yard, knowing I must leave in a few minutes.  It is then that a chunk of wood about the size and heft of a soda can creams me in the nose.  Immediately, there is copious amounts of blood to be had.  Things go black, and I think I actually see stars like in cartoons.  I avoid looking in the mirror because I don't want to go into shock at the site of my shattered nose.

After a bit, the bleeding slows slightly, enough for me to take a gander, and while things are definitely bloody, my nose still looks like my nose (more or less).  I check in with the girlfriend to let her know what has happened and that I'll be late.  She is very concerned, speaking urgently of impending emergency room visits.  I placate her over the phone, knowing that my entire head would have to be severed before I head back to an emergency room anytime soon.  I then hop in the car to meet her, bloody rag still staunching the flow from my nose.  The rag started as an off white and is now more of a swirly red tie-dyeish affair.

I have to still stop off at the music store, right?  So in I go a few minutes later.  Parents are gathering their children closely as the guy with the bloody rag on his face saunters in.  The proprietor hands me the aforementioned binder, and I tell him the quick tale of what happened.  I ask him a quick question: "Is the area underneath a Telecaster pickguard routed out, or are there just individual cavities for the pickups?"

He looks confused.

I try to clarify: "You know...on a Telecaster...like..."  I turn around and on a stand right behind me is a Fender Telecaster.  "Yeah...like this one...  You know what?  Never mind.  I'll take it."

"Uh, do you want to try it first?  Do you want to take it until tomorrow or something just to...you know...try it?"  He keeps his distance, not wanting to provoke the customer with the head wound.

"Nope.  I'm late."

With that, I leave the store, now with a bloody and sopping rag by this point as well as a newish guitar.

A few minutes later, I am rationalizing g.a.s. to the girlfriend, the one whose house and car are paid off, the one who has something I've heard referred to as a "stock portfolio."  I always thought those things were mythical before I met her...like griffins and minotaurs.

She hides her distaste for my fiscal irresponsibility and my refusal to visit the hospital.  I explain that a Mexican meal would be a much more prudent course of action.

She just shakes her head as we head to Las Margaritas.

Blooby

[Migs]

This weekend I am chopping wood !

[Davo]

Bravo a new tele and Mexican aint bad.  Hows the Mexican in the UK!?!?

[Rata-tat-tat]

I took a wiz on an electric fence once... One of the most electrifying experiences of my life... not in a good way!!! I know I just made every dude on this board grab their junk in agony. So did I!!!!

[OsCKilO]

The internet has a picture for everything!



I wont post this one as a pick, but here is the link to how bad that kind of thing could be.....! Ouch! 


WARNING...  Content warning on this link.... Actual picture of Fence injury..... Not funny....

http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:WryZdHc2wmJ3nM:http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j46/cunningmark2/crispy.jpg

[Blooby]

WHY!?  Why do I have this curious streak that makes me click on links I know are not in my best interest!?

I just can't talk to you today, man.

I'm going back to sleep in the fetal position.

Blooby

[OsCKilO]

Sorry Blooby!

[OsCKilO]

Really Sorry......

Here are some Boobs to make it up to you.....