So posted this and was not happy so here we go a gain

[SE]

First for a while

[SE]

Wow, still not happy, needs the bin!!

[Pru]

nah! don't bin it! i think it is a well constructed song; maybe needs a bit of tweaking in the mix. that's not my field of expertise but i reckon this will develop into a great rock track. only thing wrong as far as i can see is that you spelt smoke wrong. persevere with it mate.

[kenny mac]

Good to hear you again John.
For reason I'm getting a heaven 17 vibe from this.
Like also the bass lines, very peter hook.
Do not bin this
Nice one

[DarrenG / The Devil's Toupee]

we all think we could've done better on some songs. I think it still sounds good to me. Don't need much altering. IpThe music and vocals are great, it has a cool 80's feel.

[StephenM]

defo don't bin... I mean yeah you could mix this different... and 50 people who do mixes would mix it different... actually this started to really work for me at 000 and then got a bit effected at :20 and then started coming focused better at :40...
what I think though John is this is you experimenting with stuff... and that really is pretty much what this site is about...experimentation.
this is a head trip... don't bin the song... it is good...

if you want to remix and master later I understand... but this is a trip on its own..
and the guitars and music smoke and I always love love love your vocals... no exception here.

[OdilonGreen]

At the start I was kind of getting a swirling 60s feel, but those vocals are pure 80s agit-pop coolness. The aggressive lyrics and vocal tone are captivating! (And yeah, I'm getting that Heaven 17 vibe that Kenny Mac mentions too.)

[Ted]

I get it. I have a song that I've been revisiting lately. I wrote it around 1985, and I've never found the right feel, the right groove. The chords, the melody, the lyrics... they're all there. It comes back every few years and taunts me to try again. You may actually hear a version of it here eventually.

I don't think you should bin it, but I also don't think you've found the right feel just yet.

If I were your producer, I'd follow the rhythm and emotion of the vocals. This is a heavy song about fear, instability, abuse of power, and more. It calls for a heavy, simple rhythm – not the fancy fusion takata-takata-takata thing you've got going on in there. I'd try something simple and sparse. (I'd pitch you some ideas if I had time to touch my own gear today.) Keep at it.

[StephenM]

You may actually hear a version of it here eventually.

yes, please!  and Ted goes producer... strong!