Jimmy Buffett (Can Kiss My Ass) - original by Ted

[Ted]

Jimmy Buffet Can Kiss My Ass

Recorded on Micro BR
Ted: Guitar and SY-1 Synth

I recorded this while on vacation.

The music has nothing to do with Jimmy Buffett. More on that below.

Our family vacation began with a lot of stress and actual tragedy.

It was a road trip from Antananarivo, the capital of Madagascar, to the south west of the country. We have a driver who works for our business, and he was driving so I wouldn't have to.

The first two days on the road, my daughter was violently car sick, hurling into our ample supply of plastic barf bags a dozen times. The day after we arrived at our first stop – Toliara – our driver got news that his 15-year-old son had died suddenly. We sent him back to Antananarivo to take care of that tragedy.

The same day we got intel that our horny teenage housekeeper and pet sitter had told every boy in the neighborhood that we are out of town, so we had to hire extra security to watch our house.

Also: My wife developed food poisoning or something causing her stomach pain.

Without a driver, I took the wheel and we pressed on to the next stop on our trip – Mangily – less than an hour away. I got stopped every 10 km by the police, thanks to my white face. One cop kindly issued me a handwritten "48-hour International driving permit" for a small fee of 40,000 Ariary (less than $10). The next cop who stopped us (10 minutes down the road, of course) looked at it and was like, WTF is this?

My wife's stomach pain wasn't getting any better. I had to think about what kind of medical care I could find for her out there, miles from any hospital, and whether I could transport her there without an incident. We talked to her uncle, who is a doctor, and he told us what over-the-counter medicines we should get. We bought them from a pharmacy that looked like a lemonade stand.

I had a "misunderstanding" with a drunken coconut vendor when I told him that did not want to buy the coconuts he had prepared with his machete, so he proceeded to threaten me with said machete. The hotel had to call armed security to get him to leave us alone.

Our tour guide helped us find a driver we could hire for one day so we can make it to our next stop - St. Augustin - without being pulled over for "driving while white."

We made a side trip to see some sand dunes, and ran into an actual bridge troll, sort of – a crazy and hostile guy who blocked the one-lane raised road across the wet sand flats. He demanded money if we wished to pass. I let our driver and our guide handle him.

Early the next morning, we left the car at a hotel and loaded our bags into big canoe with an outboard motor and headed to Anakao. (You can get there by road I'm told, if you dare, have a 4x4, and full day to kill.) No motion sickness from the kid. My wife's stomach pain was subsiding.

The next morning I set up my Micro BR and my minimal pedalboard on the porch outside the AirBnB bedroom. Still pretty stressed out.

Knowing the calming, meditative power of a delay pedal and headphones, I plugged in and started strumming. (For some reason, I my first chord was a Cadd9. That's never my go-to first chord. I'm an open G guy, usually.) And this little phrase came to me. I played it over and over just letting the echo do its hypnotic magic, watching the scenery just off the beach. The day was beautiful. Time seemed to slow down.

 

I sat looking over the beautiful turquoise waters, watching Vezo fishermen sail past my hotel, and I played and recorded this simple phrase on my guitar.  I thought about those fishermen, and how their lives are as rich and involved as mine or anyone's, not idyllic, but full of joys and perils I can only imagine. The human scenery service they provided to me is an unintended byproduct of their own daily efforts to keep on living – because living is worth it. 

And I thought, Key West can't possibly be as good as this. Jimmy Buffett can kiss my ass.

The rest of the vacation was really good and relaxing. I started reading a book – the memoir of a Holocaust survivor. That also helped to put my troubles into perspective.

I started writing some lyrics to this. Maybe I'll come back to it another day. Don't bet on it. Feel free to use it as a backer.

[StephenM]

this is beautiful Ted and the way you arrived at it sounds like a real trial that your entire family and the other driver had to endure.  I suppose I could say that the destination was worth it but that would be up to you totally.  I admire your adventurous spirit.  I for one, have had plenty also but not on this level.  Congrats to your family on overcoming all those difficulties, and yes, you have an appreciation for how good I have it in the USA (and I intend to not leave like some other celebs who think this place sucks so much)....
the music is incredible.. and I enjoy reading your posts on the Whatsap...

[Zoltan]

Ted! My favourite drummer from the Dead Kennedys.
Has nothing to do with this song, but i just wanted it to be heard! Like i did with this song. I heard it and it resonates. It pulls you in and makes you relaxed. So much so that i started floating and seeing lyrics in the sky way before i heard any.

It's a three minute song, but after a one minute of great playing i'm still left waiting for the vocals to appear. I didn't (yet) read the post you made because i didn't want to have any preconceptions of the song at hand. Perhaps i should have? Am i missing out on something? I'm sure you didn't write that you'd like me to sing this in a "death metal" style? Then there would have to be at least one word with "Death". Otherwise it isn't death metal. And something else that sounds like metal. Like that Albatross i mentioned while commenting that cover song Stephen made.

A great backing track. Beautiful sound. Relaxed feel. Jimmy Buffett can eat... Well let's not go there. I'll get back to this track when i've read your post. I hope there's an explanation why Buffett can kiss your ass. I bet he's a good kisser! I just hope he holds the tongue ( i mean "holds the silence", what did you think? That i'm a perv? I'm a foreigner. Half of the time i don't even know what i'm writing. I just use words that look pretty and i put them back to back ).

[Blooby]

One heck of a tale. I look forward to the lyrics although it stands perfectly well as a soothing instrumental.

Blooby

[Zoltan]

You're one seriously funky fellow!

Sorry to hear about your troubles, but the way you're describing it makes for a comedy gold.

The same day we got intel that our horny teenage housekeeper and pet sitter had told every boy in the neighborhood that we are out of town, so we had to hire extra security to watch our house.

At this point i was seriously thinking if the bread i ate had developed a somekind of a mind altering fungus.

I kept on hanging until i got to this part:

The rest of the vacation was really good and relaxing. I started reading a book – the memoir of a Holocaust survivor.

After which i went and threw the bread away. I think i have to go lie down for a sec.

[Johnbee]

What a relief!  I thought I was gonna have to fight with ya because I enjoy Jimmy Buffett!

Sounds like a horrendous vacation (at least the start).  Sorry you had to go through so much BS.

The tune you crafted is very relaxing.  You've created your own "stress reliever"

John B

[Farrell Jackson]

A beautiful sound and chords Ted. Wow, that is quite an adventure that got you to it. I'm glad all turned out alright for you and yours.

[Ron D Bowes]

Chord changes made me think of Stones straight away. Nice playing. Sorry to hear of your holiday from hell.

[DarrenG / The Devil's Toupee]

That sounds like a holiday trip from hell. sorry to hear all that bad luck. I'm glad it ended better than it started. The photos of the place look beautiful. But What a great song. Lovely playing and a nice melody.

Darren

[SE]

What a story glad you all OK so sorry about your driver your worst  nightmare really  can't  imagine it.
You tune is so relaxing cool stuff!!