It's A Tom Waits Christmas

[Mach]

Excellent! Great first post.

Mach

[ponydeathride]

 On the corner of 5th & squalor a one legged midget beggin' for a dollar
at least there is a place for us to spend our Christmas Eve
 Somewhere they're singing Peace on Earth somewhere they're celebratin' Baby Jesus' birth
But here they're celebrating Christmas with 2 hookers and a midget playin' pool

...and the Christmas tree's on fire and no one seems to care/ it's a Tom Waits Christmas

 a cold slice of Napoleone's in a dirty pizza box /some SOB put eggnog in my whisky on the
rocks there's champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends
burned out lights hang from the bar/Christmas tree on the piano and an empty tip jar
The piano player's in the alley an he's/ tryin' to bum a smoke...but the telephone's out of cigarettes

 and the Christmas tree's on fire and no one seems to care it's a Tom Waits Christmas

Santa Claus is drunk! In a ski room on Christmas eve he dropped his drawers and stuck out his fat ass...and we all raised our glass

There's a hooker holdin' a suitcase standing next to mr. Watson in the alley behind an old beat up '55 as I step outside to wrap my lips around the smoke I bummed from off Loretta, a former circus performer who's now a one handed prostitute who just gave a one hand job to an old dirty ventriloquist who's dressed in a tuxedo with a red rose on the lapel and he's talking about his good friend Frankie Walnuts and his famous monkey paw salad...
Jaye- ok ok enough. Now tell me do you really think I'm gonna fall for that old line?
Joe- Oh, uh, which one. I just said a lot of stuff there. Anyway, where was I? Oh, you'll see that vulture in the Fleetwood near a paperboy with a broken bike and a wooden leg leaning up  against a light post next to a Lincoln full of Mexicans and , and, I never could stand that dog.

 And the prostitute's on fire and no one seems to care
It's a Tom Waits, it's a Tom Waits, it's a Tom Waits Christmas

[stoman]

Superb!

When I close my eyes I can almost hear Tom Waits himself.

[Mike_S]

Really good performance... not an easy vocal to pull off!

welcome on board Songcrafters

Mike

[thetworegs]

just loving this ....i'm a fan!!

[Ferryman_1957]

This is hysterically funny and also brilliantly done. Well played sir!

[ponydeathride]

Such nice comments. Thanks so much! Ended up performing at our Christmas shows!