Why Won't You Stop (You're Killing Me)

[T.C. Elliott]

I'm attempting to do Nur Ein this year (songwriting contest like songfight! or Spintunes where judges tell you how crap you are and whittle the field down to one.) This is my third song for the contest and I'm not entirely happy with the recording, but it shows off my new Fender Mustang IIv2 amp. So for those of you paying attention here is a song using that amp. The acoustic was recorded without the amp, but all the other guitars (some mixed for thickening and aren't entirely discernible) were recorded by taking the phone jack out and plugging it into the BR-900 guitar port and recording. It sounds okay to my ears. I haven't mic'd it yet, but I know it'll be fine that way, too.

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0:00

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Verse 1
I buy a ticket, I buy me a snack
I walk in, find a seat in the back
The movie starts and I see you on screen
You're staring back at me, what could this mean?

PreChorus (Major to minor chord progression)
I reach for you, but you're not there
I fall in love but you don't care

Verse 2
Another ticket and I watch it again
I fall in love before the movie ends
I think about you when I am awake
You come to me in dreams, you make my body ache

PreChorus (Major to minor chord progression)
I reach for you, but you're not there
I fall in love but you don't care

Chorus
You visit in my dreams
Fill my head with lust-filled dreams
Oh why, won't you stop and let me be?
You appear in the night
I die a little at the very sight
Oh, why won't you stop? You're killing me!

Verse 3
I send you letters. Yes, I bare my soul
I try to show you how my love grows
You never answer so I open some pills
I drift into sleep, I want that nightly thrill

PreChorus (minor to minor chord progression)
I reach for you, but you're not there
I fall in love but you don't care

Chorus
You visit in my dreams
Fill my head with lust-filled dreams
Oh why, won't you stop and let me be?
You appear in the night
I die a little at the very sight
Oh, why won't you stop? You're killing me!
You're killing me.

[Hook]

where judges tell you how crap you are and whittle the field down to one.)

Damn brother that sounds like super fun!!!
I dig your tune & like when the lead comes in after 1st chorus & it's a great build from there. I also really like the way you sing your chorus, especially the "your killing me" line.
Rock On!

[Hilary]

where judges tell you how crap you are and whittle the field down to one.)

Sometimes an impartial critique is a good thing, especially from industry experts.

I thought it sounded great, particularly your voice. I like the idea of the song, if I'm really honest I'm not sure about the first 2 lines of the chorus. The first line doesn't really add anything, other than repetition (which is emphasis in itself I suppose) I just think it could be stronger. I don't think they need to rhyme either AAB, AAB - coz the B's rhyme anyway and it would ramp up the agony if they didn't (it would destabilise the chorus).

Just being real because I care xx

Best of luck - do we get to hear the other 2?

[Geir]

Very good song!

Great melody !

Well done

[Tangled Wires]

I like the song a lot, the vocal melody is extremely catchy and the verses, pre chorus and choruses flow very well. Your acoustic sounds wonderful as does the vocal, and the production is excellent to my ears.

Just a couple of suggestions...

The first one being is that I can hear some layered keys in the second and third pre-chorus sections which would create a really cool build up and tension leading into the chorus, with perhaps the keys to continue into the chorus?

Perhaps also some variation in the drum patterns would add something also, as some fills here and there can make a big difference and make the song sound less "ploddy"

Really good luck with this, hope it brings you some well deserved success.

[Oldrottenhead]

best of luck with the competition piggy, great song

[SharksDontSleep]

I like the song. Nicely recorded too.
I agree that the chorus start lines could be stronger, they do seem too samey.

However the thing that I noticed more than anything is the lag at the start, where the drums are out of sync & then play catch up.
Sorry to be blunt, but hopefully you've posted this to gauge opinion & rule out the Gremlins before you submit it to the comp.

Good luck with it though, 'cause it's a fine song & with a bit more polish, it could be a great song

[Farrell Jackson]

Good song T.C. I also heard the drums and music veer momentarily out of sync at the start of the song. I can hear the new Mustang amp in there and it sounds fine to my ears using the headphone out as the direct out. Good writing and good luck!

Farrell

[Jarle]

Good melodic song. Well done.

[Nelson]

Man, T.C. that's a beautiful vocal you put down here.
Strong performance.
Good luck with the contest.