.. walk into a bar, ...

[Vanncad]

1. A baby seal walks into a club...

2. A frog, a deer, a duck and a giraffe are in a bar having martinis. The waitress comes over and says "Time to settle up boys - who's paying for all this?
The frog says - "Sorry guys - all I have is a greenback"
The deer says - "Me neither - all I have is a buck"
The duck says - "I can cover it if you can put it on my bill"
Finaly the giraffe says - "Don't sweat it boys - the high balls are on me"!

3. A wimp is sitting at a bar when the local bully next to him leans over and says "Hey wimp - I'll bet you $100 I can bite my right eye".
The wimp takes the bet, so the bully proceeds to take out his glass eye and bites it.
The wimp is p*ssed off, but he pays up and returns to his drink.
A few minutes later the bully says "Hey wimp - I'll give you a chance to win your $100 back. Double-or-nothing - I bet you I can bite my left eye"
The wimp figures there is no way the bully can have two glass eyes, so he takes the bet.
The bully proceeds to take out his false teeth and bites his left eye with them.
The wimp is really p*ssed off now. He pays up and then goes to the other end of the bar to order a drink from the bartender.
A few minutes later he returns and offers the bully a new bet.
The wimp says "I will bet you $1000 that you can spin me on the this bar stool and I will p*ss in that shot glass at the far end of the bar without spilling a drop!
The bully says "You're on!" and takes the bet.
The wimp drops his pants, stands on the bar stool and the goon starts spinning him around.
There's p*ss flying everywhere, and pretty soon it's dripping down the bully's face.
When the stool stops spinning, the bully is laughing his ass off and says" you didn't even get one drop of p*ss in that shot glass!" That's the easiest $1000 I ever made - you stupid son-of-a-b*tch!"
The wimp pulls up his pants and says "That's okay -  I just bet the bartender $5000 that I could piss in your face and you'd laugh about it!"

[badrail]

A guy walks into a bar and shouts: "All Lawers are A$$HOLES!!!" A guy in the back stands up and says "Hey, I resent that!" When asked if he was a lawer, he said, "No, I'm an A$$HOLE!"