Drummer Jokes

[bruno]

I shouldn't really, but couldn't resist posting 

1.What is the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
The Pizza can feed a family of four
2.What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey Guys, why don't we try one of my songs?
3.What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
The Defendant
4.Did you hear about the drummer that went to college?
Me Neither.
5.How do you make a drummer's car more aerodynamic?
Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
6.What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
The savings bond will mature and make money.
7.Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in the car?
It took 3 hours to get the drummer out!
8.What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the instruction into a drum machine once.
9.I told my Mom when I grow up I want to be a drummer. She said you cant do both.
10.How do you know a drummer is at your door?
The knocking gets faster and he doesn't know when to come in!

[Jarle]

I don't know if I should be offended...

Number 10:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKd5A4oJByY

JOA

[bruno]

I don't know if I should be offended...

Number 10:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKd5A4oJByY

JOA

[Jarle]

Here is the drummer in the car...



JOA

[bruno]

...and some viola jokes - the butt of the classical community

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Why are violas so large?
It's an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large; just that the viola players' heads are so small.

What is the difference between a violist and a prostitute?
A prostitute knows more than two positions.
Prostitutes have a better sense of rhythm.

[steelguitar]

Yes, I like it... Classic one about drummers :

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

And some about guitarists you know :

 Q - How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A - Put some sheet music in front of him.

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.

Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A - Counterpoint.

Q: What's the difference between an Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar?
A: The Electric Guitar burns longer.

Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.

Q: What do you call in "in-tune electric guitar"?

   A: An oxymoron

Q: How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison ?

   A: Shoot one of them.

Q : What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A : A rock guitarist plays three chords in front of a million people. A jazz guitarist plays a million chords in front of three people.

:-) And i am a guitarist  

Jean-Sébastien

[dasilvasings]

Another for the Violas:

You throw a violin and a viola from the roof of a 10th floor.
Which one reaches the ground first?

A: the violin. the viola gets lost in the middle


And now for double basses:

What is the difference between the 1st and 2nd desks of double basses in an orchestra

A: halt-tone

In a Jazz concert, how do you know it is the bass solo?

A: it is when everyone starts talking

[Hilary]

(I've just made this one up - it's true)

What's hidden in the cupboard and vibrates between my legs?

A cello!


(I actually use the next one in my act when I cock-up on the guitar - which is frequently)

If only my vibrator could play the guitar, I'd be sorted!

[bruno]

How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
4 - one to change the lightbulb, and 3 to talk about how the old one was better.

[Geir]

(I've just made this one up - it's true)

What's hidden in the cupboard and vibrates between my legs?

A cello!

You have a cello ??

I'm envious !