First time stab at vocals on a ChromeDragon song, really need opinions

[dragonshade]

Hello my friends.  

Some of you know I recently have been writing a few acoustic songs, and with them trying my hand (or voice more accurately) at doing vocals on the MicroBR. Not that I call myself a singer, but with writing lyrics for the first time, and not having anyone better on hand to sing them.. you have to do what ya have to do. Anyway... this is the most recent of the ChromeDragon songs I had been playing with. For those that do not know me.. my buddy Chrome does beats/snyth.. and I throw down guitars into a heavy, melodic, club/metal hybrid type mix of music. I added the guitar layers months ago, and recently (after writing lyrics for the acoustic songs), and listening to this track a few times I had some lyrical thoughts hit me. I had been thinking about an old ex-girlfriend, well actually my first love. We were together for over 2 years, and then she turned cold (shocked me), and drifted away. I am totally new to lyrical writing, had never thought I'd even attempt to do lyrics on a CD song, and honestly need input if you think this even begins to work or not. The music has a lot going on, and maybe words don't even fit it. It is uncharted territory for me, and I'd like some real, honest opinions of the direction this is going. This was thrown together tonight, so pls ignore the production and the fact that it is only about a min worth (really just a verse, and chorus... not sure if it's worth writing more). I just need to know if it is worth pursuing further.


Thanks everyone

Ray

[Redler]

Very rich sounding music with dance pop vibe, imo. But, is it that short purposely? It stops at 1:13...

Kari

[dragonshade]

Hi Kari... yeah this is just a short clip... trying to figure out if the lyrics fit well enough to write the rest of it.

[Redler]

Sorry Ray...I didn't read your text carefully

Kari

[Ferryman_1957]

Hi Ray, I thought I'd just jump in quickly and give a few thoughts.

- First, I like the way you've recorded and mixed the vox. The vox actually cut through the mix nice and clear and fit well into the soundscape.

- The second vox work much better than the first part IMO. There is too much going on musically for me in the first "What happened to us..." part. You are struggling to fit the words to the music and there's a synth melody competing with what you are singing. That phrase also works better at the end of the verse line but it sounds a bit odd on its own to me, you don't expect it up front. The second vox works because there is more space and it can fit over the music better.

- Here's a very personal view. This doesn't sound like a "love lost" type song to me. The lyrical idea you have would seem better suited to a ballad or acoustic number, the music here is pretty "big", almost prog and it seems like it would be better suited to dealing with a "big" theme rather than a personal, intimate love lost theme. End of the world, death, war, something like that. But that's probably just me, I tend to do pretentious "big theme" stuff more than personal stuff.

Not sure if that helps. Cool music though, really liking that.

Cheers,

Nigel

PS forgot to say your singing is really good, you have real potential there.

[Geir]

Very cool to hear you sing Ray !!

Not that I call myself a singer, but with writing lyrics for the first time, and not having anyone better on hand to sing them.. you have to do what ya have to do

You're not alone with that experience And I sure hope we'll hear more of your voice from now on!

For once I do not agree with Nigel (I think that's a first ) I do think the lyrics work with the music, for me the music creates a contrast to the lyrics that works well.

There are however a few places where it seems to be too many words. Either try to trim away some words (I think it can be done without loosing anything) or try a more freefloating singing, not so tied up to the rhythm and chord-changes.

Great music ! Looking forward to the final result !

[Hook]

i dig it man but Geir hit it the nail on the head about too many words! Try not repeating "we" & "I", Also drop out the "ever" & "but". Redundancy often leads to muddy vocal line, and I love wordy lyrics! Since your voice is lower you don't want to muddy the line so try either holding a note on the "we" & "I" or just have a pause/rest in the vocal line, space can definitely be your friend!
 I do see where Ferryman is coming from and his opinion is definitely worth considering (he's awesome!) but write what you think and feel fits the tune, you'll get it to work. This is a very good start, can't wait to hear the finished product!
Rock On!

[launched]

Hi Ray - Glad to see you posting some music again!

I think the first vocal verse is great - Has an S.O.D. vibe mixed with "She Wants Revenge". The way you descend the notes is cool to my ears.

And your voice is great - Shouldn't knock that. I would swap yours with mine any day - You're right, somebody's got to do it, so just do it!!

[Hilary]

Hi Ray, I'm kinda of with Ferryman on this - concerning the subject matter for the piece - you've got a very stylised vibe going on which I personally think would suit a grander theme. (I'd much perfer the love song to be an acoustic song, but that's very much my perference) Also, for me personally I really don't like the way your vox mirrors the synth melody and think it would be better for something more free and contrasting (either vox or synth).

Here's the thing - and I know coz I've tried it. Ask a group of people their thoughts on three different songs and they'll all come up with different answers - 90% of them conflicting.

It's what you think that counts.

btw - you have no worries on your vox or recording it - lovely! (oh and Mark, you've got a lovely voice too )

[dragonshade]

Thanks everyone for the honest input (what I am looking for).
This little bit fought me, and I see that is showing through. Vocally, this is the worst of the pieces I have done/am playing with. In my head it sounded good lol, but just doesn't fit the same sung out. But worth mentioning this is more of a taking of a break from the acoustic stuff, and playing with a C/D song. I think I may put this to bed for a while, and come back to it fresh. These C/D songs are so BIG, with so much going on I can't think of it as I would an acoustic (and that is where my head is currently).

Nigel... great to see you. Thanks lol... it was a chore really to build the vox enough to cut through, but it did! Yeah, valid point, thank you for the honest input my friend.

Geir... Now I do not have to worry about that dreaded first vocal post lol. Honestly almost didn't put it up because I was not happy with the vox at all.. but from a writer perspective I really wanted opinions on the vibe it had going. I think you really are hitting it on the head, I do need to free up... get away from sticking to chord changes and such, likely it is a common beginner lyric writing mistake. Any tips man, different musical mindset or something??

Hook.. Thanks for the thoughts... I hear ya, and appreciate it. I wish I could sing high.. lol.. stuck in the lower tenor range I think. Yes, agreed, I am very glad to get Nigel's input, big time.

Launched... No way.. you have a powerful voice, mine not so much. As the wife says... you have a "decent" voice.. lol I'll take that. Now.. you make me wanna do an S.O.D. type song 

Haylie.. thanks.. and honestly I don't like the mirroring overly either (sure did sound better in my head). Right back to what I mentioned to Geir.. he's right, I need to free up my thoughts, again lol... tips?? (please lolol) No worries on the differing opinions, that is exactly what I wanted as this is a free discussion with everyone's opinion open. Reading this, and reflecting on each one's thoughts really helps me look at this from different perspectives. Gets me out the one track where you are buried in it, and helps me to see it fresher.

This really helps everyone, thank you.