Developing Song - She's got no inhibition

[des0free]

Update: spurred on by Zoltan and Hilary, I have a further developed Demo, below:
https://songcrafters.org/forum/index.php?topic=33251.msg395286#msg395286

Had a little idea for a lyric and chords, so recorded some quick takes before I forgot it:


D, Am, D, Am
She's got no inhibition
She knows just what she wants
B, Am, D
She wants a man to hold her hand
And take her to the promised land
D, Am, D, Am
She's got no inhibition
She knows just what she wants

[Zoltan]

Hi di ho!

I tried to do something today, but i might have lost the essence of the song idea The last two days have been a bit rough and this turned into a bit sad sounding, or at least tired sounding demo. Also i had trouble channeling that Des0free energy so i had to ditch the B chord. It did gel with my brain.

Here's a totally winged up mess of a sketch.

D            Am
She's got no inhibition
D            Am
She knows not what she does
C               G
She wants a man to hold her hand
D                Am
And take her to the prom

She's got no expectations
She always acts surprised
When given what she's worth
and she's worth all the world

CH:

F                   Am               D              G                         
The love that she's giving makes the life worth living
The breadcrumps that she sows shows the world that we ain't grieving

Etc.

The vocal melody is still a bit vague.

[des0free]

Update: spurred on by Zoltan and Hilary, I have a further developed Demo, below:
https://songcrafters.org/forum/index.php?topic=33251.msg395286#msg395286

Thanks for the suggestions, Zoltan!!!  It is a different direction than I was thinking, as I was thinking the first part was to be the chorus. But yours is also good and once you send me the files, I would like to try to develop that version also.

Meanwhile, I came up with a new version, developing a verse idea partly inspired by one of your lyrics "The love that she is giving makes life worth living", starting with the chord F you suggested.  When I tried singing that, I came up with a different melody where it would be F->C. Then, when I tried to put that in front of the chorus, I felt it should be A->D instead. Another lyric led me to insert an E in the verse. In the chorus, I decided it should be power chords D5-A5, and I tentatively kept a B5 too (is that an off-key modulation? does it sound ok with my vocal, or too strange?).

My current draft is typed below, and the demo recording only has Verse 1 - Chorus - Verse 1 and rough playing, just to see how it sounds going from verse to chorus back to verse. I think it is ok, but I wonder if there could be some tweaks that would make it better? (besides playing it better...)

Intro
A D A D

Verse 1
          A                D
...She was born in New York city
      A                  D
Every guy thought she was pretty  (is this line is a bit to cheesy?)
        A          E
But she never had a problem
D            A     
Sayin what she thought
D            A
Sayin what she thought

Chorus
          D5        A5     
Cuz she's got no inhibition
    D5                  A5 
She knows just what she wants
    B5            D5
She wants a man to hold her hand
    D5              A5
And take her to the promised land
      D5        A5     
She's got no inhibition
      D5        A5     
She's got no inhibition
    D5                  A5   
She knows just what she wants

Verse 2 (not yet recorded, sounds ok when strumming acoustic)

            A            D                                   
...She's the best girl in town
    A            D
She never lets me down
      A          E
..She never had a problem
D            A     
Sayin what she thought
D              A
Sayin what she thought

Chorus

Verse 3 (not yet recorded, sounds ok when strumming acoustic)

    A                D                                   
The love that she is giving (Zoltan's lyric)
      A          D
Makes life worth living
        A          E
And she never had a problem
D              A     
Sayin what she thought
D              A
Sayin what she thought

Chorus

[Hilary]

Hi - here's my 2 penny worth based on desOfree's chorus.

I've just sung it 

Happy New Year everyone!

She's got no inhibitions and she knows just what she wants
She's gonna get her man and hold his hand and take him to that promised land
And when you get there you're never gonna leave
when you get there you're never gonna leave
when you get there you're never gonna wanna leave

Coz she's got no inhibitions and she knows just what she wants
She's gonna get her man and hold his hand and take him to that promised land
Coz if you never ask you're never gonna get
If you never ask you're never gonna get
If you never ask you're never gonna get
And she don't give one single flying ohhhhh
No she don't give one single flying oohhhh

Coz she's got no inhibitions and she knows just what she wants
She's gonna get her man and hold his hand and take him to that promised land
And when you get there you're never gonna leave
when you get there you're never gonna leave
when you get there you're never gonna leave
Coz you'll finally see
Yes you'll finally see

Coz she's got no inhibitions and she knows just what she wants
She's gonna get her man and take his hand and lead him to the promised land
She's gonna get her man and take his hand and lead him to the promised land

[des0free]

Thanks Hilary!  I might try to see if I can figure out guitar chords to go with your vocal!

You and Zoltan have also given me some good ideas to revise my draft. You both pointed out that the lyrics needed a consistent theme.

Zoltan also said I should think about style song I'm aiming for. After diddling with guitar and drum sounds I'm now thinking "John Cougar Mellencamp". Another issue is that Zoltan is not sure about my A-B-D chord section in my chorus, which I stuck in to try to break up the D-A repetition. I kept that for now, but I'm pondering a revision.

Any further ideas are appreciated!

Intro
A D A E

Verse 1
          A                D
...She was born in New York city
      A                  D
Every guy thought she was pretty
        A          E
And she never had a problem
D5              A5     
Getting what she wants
D5              A5     
Getting what she wants

Chorus
          D5        A5     
Cuz she's got no inhibition
    D5                  A5 
She knows just what she wants
    B5            D5
She gets a man and holds his hand
    D5                A5
And takes him to that promised land
      D5        A5     
She's got no inhibition
      D5        A5     
She's got no inhibition
    D5                  A5   
She knows just what she wants

[Zoltan]

I like how this is coming together!

Now the B doesn't bother me that much (Now my focus shifted on how it resolves later ).

[Hilary]

I thought it could be religious that's why I put the line about finally seeing in.

[Zoltan]

I thought it could be religious that's why I put the line about finally seeing in.

I was thinking that the bridge might have something about "wanting to be her preacherman" and then giving her "religion" all night long.

I ALMOST kept stum

[StephenM]

good golly miss molly... I love the way this sounds...it is fantastic...I think i need to just sit back and watch this Professor Of Rock show me how songwriting is supposed to go...
Do I have any ideas?  Yes I do.  I got the idea that this don't need much else... a quick lead guitar thing at some point.  Some cool backing vocals?  Maybe... probably... either way it works..
but really I just need to sit down and listen to this again...

[Hilary]

Sounds good DesOfree and like the changes. It's a great concept for a rocker song - congrats!