Anyone got any jokes?

Hook · August 03, 2015, 07:32:45 AM

I never laugh!

Groundy · August 03, 2015, 11:10:31 PM

Quote from: Hook on August 03, 2015, 07:32:45 AMI never laugh!

Youv'e never seen Tommy (Fenderbender) in shorts...

kenny mac · August 04, 2015, 01:43:05 AM

Quote from: Hook on August 03, 2015, 07:32:45 AMI never laugh!

. Not true

listen to your song moonshine
There's a section in there that you laugh in.

Groundy · August 23, 2015, 12:18:38 AM

2 guys talking, One says to the other , I am going in Hospital tomorrow I am having a sex change to become a woman, I am really scared....
What are you scared of , don't you like hospitals asked his mate...
No its not that I dont mind Hospitals....
Is it needles you are scared of, No its not that....
I know said his mate, its when they actually cut it off to make you a woman......
No I am not scared of that......
Well what are you scared of asked his mate.....

When they take my Brain out and make my mouth Bigger.........

Sorry about that Hilary.......

heg577 · August 23, 2015, 01:16:48 AM

I didn't know about this section...

...Ahem....

Paddy is planning a trip to London and meets his neighbour Mrs Dunne.
"If you happen to meet my son, Neally, tell him to write home; I haven't heard from him in two years - he lives in London WC1" said Mrs Dunne.
"I will" says Paddy.

Paddy steps off the plane at Heathrow and sees a door with "WC" on it; he walks in and finds door Number 1 and knocks loudly.
"Are you Neally Dunne?" says Paddy
"Yes" comes a voice from inside "but there's no paper"
"That's no excuse not to write your Mother!" says Paddy.

Hilary · August 23, 2015, 04:33:03 AM

Q. What do you call a man that stutters and can only say nah?
A. Batman!

@MissHilaryFox

fenderbender · October 08, 2015, 06:21:02 PM

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris,
to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it,

and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business