Anyone got any jokes?

[kenny mac]

I was brought up in a pretty rough area when my mum sent me to the shop for a pair of tights the shop owner said "what size face?
Anybody got any jokes

[kenny mac]

A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

Any jokes?

[Groundy]

I was brought up in a pretty rough area when my mum sent me to the shop for a pair of tights the shop owner said "what size face?
Anybody got any jokes

I too was brought up in a rough area, if you paid a weeks rent the Police would come around to see where you got the money from.......

[Hilary]

I told my husband it was National Orgasm Day, so he bought me a fish
@MissHilaryFox

[Flash Harry]

I have recently been seeing this nurse, finally last night we got round to going to bed together, I stood naked in front of her and said 'you'll have seen a few of these' indicating my proudest possession, 'whaddya think?'

'Not bad' she said, 'a bit bigger than I normally see'.

Feeling really proud now I asked,' What sort of nursing do you do?'

'I'm a midwife' she said.

[Boognish]

Helen Keller walks into a bar...

[Boognish]

A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the manager,
"Do you have any duck food?"
"No, we don't have Duck food! Get the hell outta here!"
Duck leaves, comes back the next day...
"Do you have any duck food?"
"Dammit, Duck! We don't have any duck food! Now get the hell out and don't come back or I'll nail your duck feet to the floor!"
So the duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and walks up to the manager.
"Do you have any nails?"
"NO!"
"Do you have any duck food?"

[Groundy]

I have recently been seeing this nurse, finally last night we got round to going to bed together, I stood naked in front of her and said 'you'll have seen a few of these' indicating my proudest possession, 'whaddya think?'

'Not bad' she said, 'a bit bigger than I normally see'.

Feeling really proud now I asked,' What sort of nursing do you do?'

'I'm a midwife' she said.

[Groundy]

Two Maggots playing Chess, One says to the other, It's boring this isn't it, the other replies ,yes but its better than Fishing.....

[fenderbender]

 
Mixed emotions-
The mother-in-law drove over a cliff the other day in my new car.