I Just Found Out Too

[Will23]

Already have an acoustic MP3 of this done, but wanted to test out the lyrics first and see what you think.  Thank you for taking the time to read and post and I gladly welcome any suggestions made that not only make this a better song, but me a better writer.



I Just Found Out Too


At first I didn't say a word, just listened and began to think.

And not the kind of thinking that's routine, the kind making the old me rethink.

All the horror that I heard that night, their nightmares were mine too.

I said to myself, "This can't be", defending lies claimed as true.


Vividly recall one late night, found a broken picture and an empty glass.

Went to get 1 more but there wasn't any, the car was fresh out of gas.

Forced to relive all they refused to forgive, hear their echoes in these 4 walls.

Here I go again as I get to my feet, and I stumble once more down these halls.


(Chorus)

The tears they cried were my tears.  Their nightmares were in my dreams.

It was supposed to be just a single innocent drink, but took it to new extremes.

Haunted that 1 led to a thousand, what I was defending was nothing new.

You think you were surprised think about me, I Just Found Out Too.





The longer I listened the more, my heart broke as they shared.

God was watching over them as they became, just as strong as they were scared.

The more I heard the lower I felt, I became fooleshly aware.

Kept thinking I'm one of them myself, take that first step if you dare.


(Bridge)

The tired of being tired too exhausted to crawl, a new me carried me in that door.

Didn't bring the broken bottle grabbed the broken picture, it's at my feet on the floor.

As I shook and cried, felt the hands, of those struggled and pushed through.

I heard those who loved me trying to tell me.......I Just Found Out Too

[Hilary]

I really liked the chorus - the verses you've gone for a straight aa,bb rhyme which suggests stability but the theme of the song would suggest instability - I'd go at least for an ab,ab rhyme and take out some for the perfect rhyme (make imperfect at least) to increase the instability of the lyrics and maybe make some of the lines uneven in length.

It would be great to hear the acoustic version of the song too.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's what you believe in that counts and the way you portray the song when it's performed.

Go for it - it's intelligent songwriting you've got there

[Will23]

Thank you for taking the time to post and I seriously thank you for your input.  I read it and am going to look at it in the next couple of days to possibly implement what you suggested.  I really like your suggestions and welcome whatever input will make it a more powerful song just like you described and suggested.  Thanks again for your time and look forward to seeing what you think of the MP3 and other material in the future.

[Hilary]

Oh thanks Will - I'd definately go for a 3 line bridge (or 5) with the last line not rhyming (x) - it suggests movement and unresolved.

There's a great songwriting course (it's free) that some of us are doing - it's at week 4 now but I think it's going to be repeated in April - that's where I've picked all this up from. Here's the link

https://songcrafters.org/community/index.php?topic=17510.0

before I'd joined Songcrafters I'd only ever written 2 straight songs before (I do comedy) - I'm still very much learning.

It would be great to hear your work

[Rata-tat-tat]

Oh thanks Will - I'd definately go for a 3 line bridge (or 5) with the last line not rhyming (x) - it suggests movement and unresolved.

There's a great songwriting course (it's free) that some of us are doing - it's at week 4 now but I think it's going to be repeated in April - that's where I've picked all this up from. Here's the link

https://songcrafters.org/community/index.php?topic=17510.0

before I'd joined Songcrafters I'd only ever written 2 straight songs before (I do comedy) - I'm still very much learning.

It would be great to hear your work

What Haylie said... I can't add anything... but I do like your lyrics... Very Deep. I would love to hear the MP3 be sure to post it here when completed. Looking forward to it... and welcome.