lonely like this/lyric

[vincent]

I write this stuff and have such trouble finishing, thought i`d stick it in here and get a few ideas..or not.
its like I get so far and everything after sounds forced. you can say its crap" too. I have some bark on me you won`t offend me.



a perfect lulliby, and it was you and me..[ i just stuck this in here to have something there]
now I`m wasting time on these memories..

===============
Chorus
There can`t be lonely like this,
There can`t be heartbreak that never mends.
Day has a Night,
hello has good-bye...
it comes to an end...
but here comes lonely again.
=====================
this constant falling apart,
the perfect words for a broken heart
back to those times, but I`ll be alright ..baby I know.

===============
Chorus

There can`t be lonely like this,
There can`t be heartbreak that never mends.
Day has a Night,
hello has good-bye...
it comes to an end...
but here comes lonely again..and again..and again.
=====================

[64Guitars]

Just an observation, but shouldn't each instance of "lonely" (including the song title) be "loneliness" instead? I know that writers are allowed artistic licence, so maybe you used "lonely" intentionally. But, personally, I'd prefer that you used "loneliness" instead.

Also, I'm not sure about the "has" in "Day has a night" and "Hello has goodbye". I think I'd prefer something like "Day turns to night, Hello to goodbye".

[SteveB]

Vincent, don't refer to your writings etc as crap. When you hear a song on the radio etc, remember, that's the finished product, which has probably taken a whole team of people to get it there. Maybe if Paul McCartney rolled up with his guitar to a radio station they'd let him play, most others they'd call security for. Everyone starts off with a blank sheet of paper, which is like everything, the more you do the easier it becomes. And also remember, 99% of the World's population aren't songwriters, so here you are among a very select few. Welcome. 

So, what do we have here...

==========

A perfect lullaby,
And it was you and me.
But now I`m wasting time on all those memories.


There can`t be lonely just like this,
Or heartbreak that never mends.
Day has a Night, hello - goodbye
And it all comes to an end...
But wouldn't you know here comes that lonely, again.

=========

...So there you are, I've stuck a couple of bits in, find yerself 3 guitar/piano chords and you're on yer way.
Good luck. 

[vincent]

thank you  64Guitars, I like that thought way better too. thanks again for the idea.

ok  SteveB, I`ll keep that in mind. thank you for the arrangement, the chorus felt comfortable so I held on to it, stuck it in here to see what another might think. reads a lot better with you two" replying.