Songcrafters.org

I thought this thread might be a place where we could all get a laugh to start the day.  Let's please keep this less than serious.


A few years back, I was hiking with my (then) new girlfriend.  It was around dusk, and she seemed intrigued with the bats that were flying over our heads.  I told her that as youths, my buddies and I would toss tennis balls in the air to see the bats cartwheel and dive after the balls.  With that, I picked up a rock and tossed into the air.  On cue, the bat spiraled and went toward the stone.  Imagine my surprise when the bat then augered directly into the earth a couple feet from where we stood. 

For a minute there, I was the most despised person on the planet as the bat drunkenly flew off.


All right.  Who's next?

Blooby

Me and my wife went to a cat show one time, it was kinda neat.  Anyway months later we get a phone call from someone calling themselves the "Cat Fanciers Society", Of course by this time I had completly forgotten about the cat show.  The caller claimed that we won a free two nights in the Holiday Inn in Bangor Maine USA (we live a couple hundred miles north of there in Canada).  They wanted to come over to our house and deliver the tickets.  Well at this time there was a rash of house invasion robberies, the police said that it was a roving band of "Gypsies" who were pulling these crimes off in Canadian Cities.  Well, I was very wary and refused to give my home address.  I agreed to meet at the local shopping Mall, just in case these guys really were Gypsies.  We met, got the tickets, along with a free sample of cat food.  Damn funny, I laughed my head off to find out that there really was a cat fanciers society and we really won a contest by buying tickets to this cat show.  We went to Bangor, but Bangor is sooooo boring a spot (Mark-Launched will understand) we ended up coming home after only one night, we couldn't stand to stay one more day.  

Ok, beat this for stupidity...

Putting the disc lock on the fromt wheel of my bike .... now, for those who dont know, a disc lock is a pretty flat lump of metal with a slot, and a lock that slides in and out placing a pin through the holes in the disc, stopping the wheel from turning. See pic.

To put the lock on you don't need the key, just push the lock barrel in.

So, for some strange reason I put the damm thing on backwards, with the lock facing in to rather than out from the wheel.

"Bugger" I thought :(

Then realised that it was against one of the wheel struts, which meant I could not get the key into the lock to get it back off!!!!

"Bugger Bugger Bugger" I thought  >:(

Anyway, I had to take the wheel off the bike and the disc off the wheel to get the damm thing off, lucky I was at home when I did it  ;D

Quote from: Bluesberry on July 27, 2009, 07:09:19 PMWe went to Bangor, but Bangor is sooooo boring a spot (Mark-Launched will understand) we ended up coming home after only one night, we couldn't stand to stay one more day.  

Ha - Why do you think I'm not there anymore :D :D  One of the Holiday Inns was demolished and turned into a casino(Main Street near McDonald's toward downtown). And the other one is near Howard Johnson's, Ramada, Ground Round, etc. The family business is not more than a half mile from this one.

What a small world...

Cleats are those things that keep your feet connected to the pedals of bikes.  Sometimes too well connected.

Anyone who has ridden a bike with cleats will know the experience of the first time you get to some traffic lights and stop before you actually unclip your foot.  It happens in slow motion.  You pull to a halt then attempt to put your foot on the ground.  Then your brain realises that your foot is securely attached to the pedal.  Then there is a period of panic as you approach the ground - still hopelessly to remove your foot.

You never do this when there isn't a crowd.  Even if you aren't physically hurt, the emotional hurt and embarrassment is what gets ya.

When I was a brand new EMT, working my first ambulance job another rig pulls into my station and the driver tells me that he just came from a horrible accident and that he had the body in the back of the ambulance, which he was taking to the coroner. 

I was brand spanking new, and didnt know how things work.  I also didnt think it strange that the drivers partner was missing.  He says "theres so much blood!".
I say I want to see the body.  We go to the back of the ambulance I can see feet sticking out under a sheet.  I step in the rig just in time for the "missing" crew member to sit up from the gurney and let out a loud scream.  I jumped five feet in the air!

i was on holiday in corfu with my wife and my oldest daughter who was 10 months old at the time, as some of you may know i can speak a little greek, but back then i was still learning, so a waiter at our favourite taverna would teach me phrases etc. so one day i said to him, how do i ask for baby formula at the supermarket? (as my daughter was running out of powdered baby milk). so he taught me.

next day at the supermarket i asked for baby formula, the girl at the counter blushed and didnt understand me or so it seemed to me. so i put my thumb in my mouth and started sucking to show her what i meant.

it turns out i was asking for a blowjob.

so i get the waiter he says, sorry i didnt think you would remember cos i was drunk. so we kiss and make up and have a good laff.

three years later we go back to same resort in corfu and first night me and mrs orh say,we will go to that wee taverna we liked last time we where here.
 get to the taverna wait to be seated as the waiter has ihis back to us and is chatting with customers, he turns round and sees us and turns back to his customers pointing at us shouting thats the guy i was telling you about.

Ha ha!!!!!! Nice one, James.

Most of my stories aren't repeatable, lol. But...

One of the funniest things I've seen / heard was in Amsterdam. I was on a mad stag weekend, and after a full day of booze / spliff, we were all out for a late night session. In the same bar were a bunch of guys dressed as monks (cassocks, crosses, the full works) getting VERY drunk and disorderly and throwing a dildo around. One of the lads in our group (who wasn't the sharpest tool in the box) watched these 'monks' with growing irritation before moaning that: 'I can't believe those monks are getting away with behaving like that! What are they doing in Amsterdam anyway? They're a disgrace to their order!". The pillock. He almost topped this as we flew back into London. As we were coming into land over the THOUSANDS of cars in the airport car parks, another friend of mine said to him: 'I can see your car down there, Martin!". "Wow! Really?" he says, diving for the window. "No, you f*cking twat" says my friend dryly.

Maybe you had to be there, lol.

I was in Barcelona a couple of years ago with my girlfriend. We ended up one lunchtime drinking from a bottle of wine and a litre of limoncello in Placa Real (one of the main squares). So I'm getting drunker and drunker, sitting around - then lying around - on the dusty flagstones. After a while, my girlfriend points out what I'd been oblivious to: namely, that in the holiday spirit, I hadn't put my underwear on that morning, and my entire genitalia were hanging out of a rip in the crotch of my jeans. I should have probably been arrested... !!!!!

Quote from: Migs on July 27, 2009, 08:06:30 PMCleats are those things that keep your feet connected to the pedals of bikes.  Sometimes too well connected.

Anyone who has ridden a bike with cleats will know the experience of the first time you get to some traffic lights and stop before you actually unclip your foot.  It happens in slow motion.  You pull to a halt then attempt to put your foot on the ground.  Then your brain realises that your foot is securely attached to the pedal.  Then there is a period of panic as you approach the ground - still hopelessly to remove your foot.

You never do this when there isn't a crowd.  Even if you aren't physically hurt, the emotional hurt and embarrassment is what gets ya.

Oh yes, I've done that at junctions and traffic lights, ususally because I've over-tightend them. Very embarrassing.

So my girlfriend is hosting a charity garage sale at the school where I work.  It is my job to close the school and set the alarms when all is done.  I will first have to run an errand in a music store where all I'm doing is picking up a binder of information from the owner.

I'm chopping wood in the back yard, knowing I must leave in a few minutes.  It is then that a chunk of wood about the size and heft of a soda can creams me in the nose.  Immediately, there is copious amounts of blood to be had.  Things go black, and I think I actually see stars like in cartoons.  I avoid looking in the mirror because I don't want to go into shock at the site of my shattered nose.

After a bit, the bleeding slows slightly, enough for me to take a gander, and while things are definitely bloody, my nose still looks like my nose (more or less).  I check in with the girlfriend to let her know what has happened and that I'll be late.  She is very concerned, speaking urgently of impending emergency room visits.  I placate her over the phone, knowing that my entire head would have to be severed before I head back to an emergency room anytime soon.  I then hop in the car to meet her, bloody rag still staunching the flow from my nose.  The rag started as an off white and is now more of a swirly red tie-dyeish affair.

I have to still stop off at the music store, right?  So in I go a few minutes later.  Parents are gathering their children closely as the guy with the bloody rag on his face saunters in.  The proprietor hands me the aforementioned binder, and I tell him the quick tale of what happened.  I ask him a quick question: "Is the area underneath a Telecaster pickguard routed out, or are there just individual cavities for the pickups?"

He looks confused.

I try to clarify: "You know...on a Telecaster...like..."  I turn around and on a stand right behind me is a Fender Telecaster.  "Yeah...like this one...  You know what?  Never mind.  I'll take it."

"Uh, do you want to try it first?  Do you want to take it until tomorrow or something just to...you know...try it?"  He keeps his distance, not wanting to provoke the customer with the head wound.

"Nope.  I'm late."

With that, I leave the store, now with a bloody and sopping rag by this point as well as a newish guitar.

A few minutes later, I am rationalizing g.a.s. to the girlfriend, the one whose house and car are paid off, the one who has something I've heard referred to as a "stock portfolio."  I always thought those things were mythical before I met her...like griffins and minotaurs.

She hides her distaste for my fiscal irresponsibility and my refusal to visit the hospital.  I explain that a Mexican meal would be a much more prudent course of action.

She just shakes her head as we head to Las Margaritas.

Blooby

This weekend I am chopping wood !

Bravo a new tele and Mexican aint bad.  Hows the Mexican in the UK!?!?

I took a wiz on an electric fence once... One of the most electrifying experiences of my life... not in a good way!!! I know I just made every dude on this board grab their junk in agony. So did I!!!! :o :o :o

The internet has a picture for everything!

(http://creativethink.typepad.com/.a/6a00d834522f0869e201156fa2dba4970c-800wi)

I wont post this one as a pick, but here is the link to how bad that kind of thing could be.....! Ouch!  :o :'(


WARNING...  Content warning on this link.... Actual picture of Fence injury..... Not funny....

http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:WryZdHc2wmJ3nM:http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j46/cunningmark2/crispy.jpg

WHY!?  Why do I have this curious streak that makes me click on links I know are not in my best interest!?

I just can't talk to you today, man.

I'm going back to sleep in the fetal position.

Blooby

Sorry Blooby!

Really Sorry......

Here are some Boobs to make it up to you.....

(http://brianakira.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/cute-japanese-huge-boobs.jpg)

Its not all about BOOBs T-man, sometimes the eyes can be just as mesmerizing!





Note: sorry for linking to a porn site, I just googled "Pretty eyes" looking for a picture of a girl with nice eyes, I didn't even notice the link of where this site came from.  I never look at that kind of site, really, honest.

She has eyes???

Didn't notice.

Quote from: Bluesberry on August 02, 2009, 08:42:36 AMIts not all about BOOBs T-man, sometimes the eyes can be just as mesmerizing!
http://www.kindgirls.com/galh450p/stephanie_64379/stephanie_64379_3.jpg

Hold on... pic aint working.....

Probably for the best!!!!

It's a spanish porn site! :o    Lol  :-X

You Durty boy BB! ;)   Lol ;D

Quote from: osckilo on August 02, 2009, 09:29:05 AMProbably for the best!!!!

It's a spanish porn site! :o    Lol  :-X

You Durty boy BB! ;)   Lol ;D

You just made my eyes watery - laughing my arse off!  I made the mistake Blooby made!  The boobs/nostrils and neck did make me fell better afterwards => thanks!!!

Anecdote # 1 => my daughter Gabby's 1st year in college - during a hipnotist session ended up been hipnotized as an older person and was told to give some words of advice in her old age to the younger generation = "stay away from the brown acid" is what she said --- wonder were she got that from - I supposed she watched Woodstock (the movie) and heard it enought from me, just as much as I watched "the wizzard of oz" - which was a lot!

Anecdote # 2 => One of my supervisors years ago @ a Christmas party - he never married and we kept thinking about a C gift --- ended up buying a 44D bra, big balloons filled with water and mounted on a wall display --- then put a watch between the hooters --- wrapped it quite tight --- surprise on his face when first opened it and the hooters jumped at him, was priceless!  Needless to say the baloons popped during the festivities....

Quote from: Blooby on August 02, 2009, 07:36:30 AMWHY!?  Why do I have this curious streak that makes me click on links I know are not in my best interest!?

I just can't talk to you today, man.

I'm going back to sleep in the fetal position.

Blooby

lmao-i had to do it too-wished i hadnt

Quote from: guitarron on August 02, 2009, 10:34:24 AM

Quote from: Blooby on August 02, 2009, 07:36:30 AMWHY!?  Why do I have this curious streak that makes me click on links I know are not in my best interest!?

I just can't talk to you today, man.

I'm going back to sleep in the fetal position.

Blooby

lmao-i had to do it too-wished i hadnt

I haven't looked yet, but from the reactions, I find myself strangely drawn to click, must fight the urge, must fight...

do it man- do it (the devil)

(In a happy commercialized voice) They call him Mr. Crispy...

It's just the worst.......... :P

All I put into google was "Do not pee on the electric fence...."

Got home from my brothers, pissed. 3am, no keys. Walked round to the back of the house, climbed the wall, fought through the brambles, climbed onto the kitchen extension roof (being careful to walk on the beams) and edged to the window with the broken latch .... which would not open. Then remembered that I had fixed it  >:(

Now totally pissed off, headed back towards the edge of the roof, forgetting to walk on the beams, and fell through the roof   ::)

Came back to conciousness some time later and thought "Ah well, at least I am inside". Peeled my eyes open and discovered that I was in the porch .....  outside :(

Walked back to my brothers, refused to go to hospital, received first aid and after some arguing submitted to a body search. Found keys in the wrong pocket  :-\

I still have the scar on the side of my head. We estimate I was unconscious for between 20 and 30 minutes. It was only the sheet of thin ply leaning against the wall saved me from far more serious injury.

Moral .... If you are gonna go out and get pissed, lean a sheet of ply next to your back door........

Quote from: SteveG on August 02, 2009, 12:43:45 PMGot home from my brothers, pissed. 3am, no keys. Walked round to the back of the house, climbed the wall, fought through the brambles, climbed onto the kitchen extension roof (being careful to walk on the beams) and edged to the window with the broken latch .... which would not open. Then remembered that I had fixed it  >:(

Now totally pissed off, headed back towards the edge of the roof, forgetting to walk on the beams, and fell through the roof   ::)

Came back to conciousness some time later and thought "Ah well, at least I am inside". Peeled my eyes open and discovered that I was in the porch .....  outside :(

Walked back to my brothers, refused to go to hospital, received first aid and after some arguing submitted to a body search. Found keys in the wrong pocket  :-\

I still have the scar on the side of my head. We estimate I was unconscious for between 20 and 30 minutes. It was only the sheet of thin ply leaning against the wall saved me from far more serious injury.

Moral .... If you are gonna go out and get pissed, lean a sheet of ply next to your back door........

Damn Steve, that is a song if I ever heard it, why not write a song about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*ck*ng hilarious, and I am sooo relieved that you didn't get a serious injury.  So, did you stop drinking for a while after this misadventure?

For the time it took me to get back to my brothers, I NEEDED a drink after that!!!!!  ;D

Put it to a song? Would not know where to start

Hmmmm........

Hysterical (and somewhat disturbing) story.  I sense a group collaboration on the lyrics.

Flat on muh back on the patio,
wondering why I tweren't home...

Flat on muh back on the patio,
wondering why I tweren't home.
Fell off the roof, my head went splatio,
looking for my keys but they were gone...

https://songcrafters.org/community/micro-br-b65/circus-by-osckilo-vox-and-lyrics-by-orh-t2735/0/

Been done in a way.....

Quote from: SteveG on August 02, 2009, 02:34:56 PMFor the time it took me to get back to my brothers, I NEEDED a drink after that!!!!! 

Ha.  Steve, you should meet my brother.  You two would get on well.  After his work Christmas party a few years ago he got home without keys.  He lives on the 2nd flloor of a bloc of units buth the ground floor is all garages so he is effectively 3 levels up.  He thought it would be a good idea to clime from balcony to balcony to get in given he had helped neighbours get in before.
Just as he gets his hand on to the top rung of his balcony, a brick on the window ledge he is standing on gives way and he plunges to the ground.
He isn't sure how long he was out but there was a pretty big pool of blood when I saw the spot a few days later.
Anyway, he comes to, picks up his mobile - wait you people call them cell phones - and tries to call an ambulance.  One problem ... all of his fingers are dislocated so he can't push the buttons.  Had to catch a taxi to hospital.

Their called mobiles in the UK as well mate. Tell your bro to get one with voice dial ... just in case :)

Quote from: SteveG on August 02, 2009, 06:16:17 PMTheir called mobiles in the UK as well mate. Tell your bro to get one with voice dial ... just in case :)

I was laughin my butt off this morning with the elctrecution and I am laughing my butt off this afternoon with your story Steve!  Need to picture it like Charley Chaplin movie!!!

Wow... the trouble I get myself into. Ah the doors are open. For those of you now thinking I'm running around with my manhood looking like the brot that fell of the grill and into the coals... Fear no more. I'm OK!!! 110 doesn't do as much damage as that poor fellow experienced. It does feel like getting kicked in the scrodum with a 50,000 psi jack hammer though.

In my imaginary world I think it has given me super powers and my wife refers to me as "Lightning Rod" Tod... (Because I can make her life flash before her eyes)

In reality my wife refers to me as "Lightning Rod" Tod... (Because she says it's over as quick as it started... Lightning fast)  ;D ;D ;D

Oh well... you guys made my day anyhow... Good stuff for sure.

I've been scarce lately but wanted to put this out there to see if I'm being unreasonable.

So G.A.S. hits me a couple days ago when I start to think about how I can have more control over my tone for the live jams at my house. I have some of modeling units but none that facilitate patch switching easily by foot.

Any-hoo, I decide to look into the Line 6 Floor Pod Plus, which is basically a Pod 2.0 with volume/wah and updated effects. I want immediate gratification, so instead of ordering one, I call ahead and explain to The GUITAR CENTER in Jacksonville, FL that I'm coming from Gainesville. They had this to say: "Yeah, I'm staring at the box as we speak.  I'll put your name on it and hold it."

The following day, I am making the two-hour trip to Jax in the throes of gassy excitement.  I get to the GUITAR CENTER, and they start looking for it.  Half an hour I wait, helping them look in all manner of nook and cranny.  Finally, somebody checks the used section, and in a glass case of the GUITAR CENTER, they find a unit (without any "hold for..." note) covered in a layer of dust.  There are no manuals or warranty information, no power supply, no packaging. I am that told that this is the only Line 6 Floor Pod Plus in this particular GUITAR CENTER.

The manager of the GUITAR CENTER walks away at this point, leaving a young, one-month veteran to deal with the customer. I'm a tad put out as I fingerpaint a design into the dust of the unit.  I inquire whether the price is firm. The newbie calls the manager who makes us wait another 6-7 minutes, which I find odd because there was only one other customer...and that was in the keyboard section of the GUITAR CENTER.

After pulling a power supply from another unit, they offer to knock off five percent. In a calm voice, I say, "I realize you're put in the middle, so I'm not upset with you.  I actually feel bad that you're in this situation as I know it's not your fault. However, I called ahead and was told that the box with the new unit would be waiting for me with my name on it. I drove two hours to get here, and after failing to find it for over half an hour, a unit in "newish" condition with missing items is found. I have now been offered a compensation of a five percent bone. I'm a little more than pissed off at this point, and I would like you to convey this to the manager who skulked off and is dealing with me through you, a new employee. Can you do that for me?"

I am now in the parking lot, and as I call around Jacksonville, unable to find another unit, there is a car accident two feet off my back bumper. Thankfully, nothing serious happens to drivers or vehicles, but the incident does manage to add to the already surreal timbre of the day.

I start the two-hour trip back from the GUITAR CENTER and am seething. I try to rationalize this as providence...money I had no business spending, but the agnostic in me can't fully form these thoughts.

I wake up this morning in a better headspace.  Sure, I'm still ticked off at the manager's actions and the overall arc of the evening, but it is what it is.  I got the manager's and district manager's names, and depending how people respond either in this thread or by p.m., I'll perhaps write a letter, explaining my distaste for the whole sordid affair.

And now I'm almost late for work. Must do the three S's and scoot (a fourth S?).

Peace.

Blooby

Quote from: Blooby on October 08, 2009, 05:20:12 AMAnd now I'm almost late for work. Must do the three S's and scoot (a fourth S?).

That was a great pissed-off customer story - Please write a letter to the managers.

I had the same issue with Hot Pockets. I love them. However, they came out with a new flavor that had a particularly spongy processed chicken in it. So I complained with an online comment card - I stated that while I understand all the products have industrial strength meats, this particular one was fit to be put in a bag of 'Ol Roy.

They denied that the chicken was any less tasty and industrial than their other products, and shut me up with $20 worth of coupons, $10 worth of half-off, $10 worth of free sandwiches. I was happy with the coupons, but Jeez!!

Oh, and I hate the fourth S after taking shower. That sucks...

Mark

Hot pockets HaHaHa, thats great Mark.  Blooby, I think this was one of those Providence moments.  If I were you I would investigate other similar products that may be redily available.  The Vox Tone lab is getting rave reviews for example.  Digitec have some really nice units in their RP line that are fully updated (all new models this year) and are also getting rave reviews (apparently they sound dynamite now).  There is also the Boss floor units.  I would do a serious research on all available units and figure out just what exactly you want and what is available.  I love Pod stuff (I have a pocket pod) but if it were me I probably would get the Vox tonelab.  Check it out, and all the other products out there.  Thats my opinion, the Pod was not meant to be for some reason, you were wise to walk away at that time, it just didn't feel right.

I just saw in a post that AndyR has the Vox Tonelab, you could ask him what the thinks of thinks.

Quote from: Blooby on October 08, 2009, 05:20:12 AMSo G.A.S. hits me a couple days ago when I start to think about how I can have more control over my tone for the live jams at my house. I have some of modeling units but none that facilitate patch switching easily by foot.

Do any of your existing effects units have midi? If so, why don't you get a midi foot controller like the Roland FC-300 (http://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/FC300)?

(http://www.roland.com/products/en/FC-300/images/intro_L_M.jpg)

I've also heard that the Behringer FCB-1010 (http://www.bananasmusic.com/productdetail.asp/pid_1769/productname_Behringer-Midi-Foot-Controller-FCB1010) is pretty good for the price ($149).

(http://www.behringer.com/EN/images/products/FCB1010_P0089_Left_web.jpg)

Line 6 has their FBV Shortboard MKII footswitch (http://guitars.musiciansfriend.com/product/Line-6-FBV-Shortboard-MKII-Guitar-Footswitch?sku=620214) but I don't think it has midi, so it probably only works with Line 6 products. The nice thing about a midi controller is that it will work with any midi devices you currently own, and midi devices that you might buy in the future. And you can control multiple midi devices simultaneously from one controller. So, if you have a POD now, for example, and later buy a GT-PRO, you should be able to create patches for both effects units, selectable from a single floor controller. And you can get your effects units off the floor so that you can easily adjust the controls.

Re Guitar Center: Yes, I'd write to their head office and complain. You never know - they might just offer you a great deal as compensation. If they don't offer to compensate you in some way for the ridiculous treatment you received, I wouldn't ever shop at Guitar Center again.

Saw a spider looking at this thread...love it...

      A while ago in a rather posh Deli, the assistant was enthusing to Mrs henwrench and myself about a particularly good Ewe's cheese they had in stock, and we both tried a small sample and decided to buy some. Delicious. As we were leaving the shop, Mrs h said to me 'Yeah, very nice...', but then added worriedly '...what's used cheese?'

                                                                 henwrench

nice bump henny. i have a ton of anecdotes i should really put them all in a book.

one i often tell....

years ago i worked in sales. and as we had a particularly good year, at xmas the director booked us all into a hotel near prestwick airport for the night, was a free bar, food, bed for the night and breakfast. our sales manager was a bit of a dipso and made straight for the bar, as the evening progressed he bumped into two of his old army pals, who where over from germany with the naafi. so he got them some drinks at the free bar and went over old times with them.

next morning he was nowhere to be seen, as i said he liked a drink, so we assumed he was still in bed nursing a hangover.

anyway, he woke up in a strange room, and not the hotel we where booked into, he heard a maid hoovering the hall outside his room. so asked her which hotel he was in.
"Ich spreche kein Englisch" she replied.

it transpired his "buddies" had bundled him on their hercules aircraft and took him to Bielefeld in germany.

took him days to get back , no passport or nothing, his wife had to fax all his details to the british consulate, cost him a fortune.

another time the same guy turned up at my door at 6am on the day of a big sales meeting he was supposed to be chairing, he was in his barefeet, had lost his shoes and socks and also lost his full set of false teeth, i loaned him a pair of slippers about 4 sizes too small and his taxi home, next time i saw him his wife had given him a black eye.

Okay - Henny's cheese story prompted this..... and I apologise for this in advance, but this is a true story

When I was 7 or 8, we had a family holiday in Italy, staying with my grandfather in the hills in a village outside of Parma (Ham & parmesan cheese). So we go and see one of his mates, up in the hills who "makes great cheese". Called "Formagio Marzu". Anyway, its pecorino cheese with live maggots in it - you eat it, maggots and all. As a child, I'm used to eating bugs, so no great leap of faith to eat. The strongest cheese ever, the justification is that these are maggots that live on the cheese anyway, so are nearly 100% cheese themselves, it just that they will crawl around a bit. The trouble is, nobody ever believed me - until it was shown by Gordon Ramsey on TV. Anyway, I've eaten it - and wasn't sick, not sure that I'd eat it now though.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfzPzPkSX3s

:-)
B

had to look out this thread to add an anecdote.


back about 1981, my friend Robert King used to publish a fanzine about british indie music, he would sell it with a free cassette. Bands would send him songs demos etc. and i don't mean unsigned bands, folk like the cocteau twins, the birthday party, bauhaus etc.
anyway as a result of this Robert would get on the guestlist for tons of gigs and i would often tag along.
one band was TV Smith's explorers. we went to every gig in Scotland and got to know the band. a few years back I met Tim(TV) Smith as a friends band was supporting him in Glasgow. and he remembered me.
anyway reason for all the info, is today on facebook as part of some request to pick your fave songs from the eighties i posted a song by the band https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LkhPuBWJQQ and i friend a few of the band members so tagged them in the post.
one of the band , the guitarist Erik Russell (Robert Russell) commented on it. and this memory came back

Erik had his eyebrows practically shaved off maybe only a third remaining, and during their tour i would rib him about it. so one night he said "i bet you wouldn't have the balls to shave your eyebrows off Jim" i drunkenly replied "i bet you i will" shall we wager a pint of lager. Erik said no a half pint i only get paid a tenner a week and cant afford a whole pint. so i said for a half pint i will only shave half my eyebrows off. so we shook hands on it.

i then went home steaming drunk climbed into bed, then at about 3am i got up for a pee, remembered the bet and shaved half my eyebrows off, went back to bed and forgot all about it. at this point in the tour the band had a day or two off. i went about my business with no recall of shaving my eyebrows, my mum asking if i had had a haircut et al.

anyway at the next gig, we arrived to see the band, and Erik disappeared to the bar, he returned with a half pint of lager and gave it to me saying well done. i said well done for what. the bet he said. what bet...............................................................then it all came flooding back, took about 6 years for my eyebrows to grow back.

bugger.

anyway have now added Erik (Robert) as a facebook friend.

I don't think I've got any funny stories . . . but my friend went for a full body tan. When she gets there she is handed a garment and asked to disrobe and put it on and say when she's ready. So she calls out she's ready and the woman comes in to give her the tan and she's stood there with the paper knickers on her head.

Ooooh yeah - I was MCing a gig in a lovely seaside hotel which had a huge glass window looking out onto the seafront. The room was a funny shape so I was kind of round the corner while another act was on. A man outside had decided to repeated press his naked genitalia against the window to the onlooking audience (the act and myself were completely oblivous although the audience were laughing!). If this weren't enough, I went out to change post gig and missed a fight!

Living the dream!

Okay, okay - a story of personal embarrassment.

Many, many moons ago - as a teenager, and post going to a gig - was with a bunch of mates in London. We stopped off for a late night burger in Burger King. So in the queue, someone mentioned that they were running a promotion of, it you ordered a burger and said "It's flamin tasty" - you got a free one extra! Well never being one to reject something for nothing, I spend the rest of the time in the queue building up the courage to do the deed. When it came to my turn, I ordered and then mumbled "its flamin tasty". "Wot???" was the reply. So I said in a much louder voice, "ITS FLAMIN TASTY". "No mate, that finished last week". Dooh.

Embarrassed? Moi? Just a tad!!!

To this day, I always have a rye smile every time I go past BK  ;D ;D ;D

After all - "IT FLAMIN TASTY"

B