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Post Your Work => Original Songs => Topic started by: thetworegs on April 09, 2023, 10:07:05 AM

Title: The Punishment, The end
Post by: thetworegs on April 09, 2023, 10:07:05 AM
Well I took a break from weeding as my back is aching so I thought id try and have a tinkle on the ivory's and then decided to get strings into action and came up with this...I believe it comes from listening to Radio 4 Extra while weeding  ...Thanks for listening
The Punishment, The End
Was it revenge
Was it a reprisal
Was it a debt
Was it tit for tat
The punishment the end
the punishment the end
the punishment the end

Her body twisted on the carpet
The martini glass still in her hand
She lay where she fell
It was her end
He stood by the sink
Washing his hands Under water that steamed
He had that frantic look in his eye
He was unhinged
She shouldn't have done it
She shouldn't of shouted and rage d
she should have staid true

The table was ready
The glasses they shined
The dinner party was at seven
It was on her mind
He raged into the room
He had something to say
He'd found the love letter
He was in a rage

Fury
wrath
the indignation
livid with rage he struck her
She fell
He vented
she did not move
He touched her

It was dinner at seven
The hall clock chimed
The tick tick tick
rocked inside his mind
They would be on their way
They 'd soon be here
They will see her
They will judge
The punishment the end
the punishment the end
Title: Re: The Punishment, The end
Post by: Zoltan on April 09, 2023, 10:19:20 AM
It's Trev on one of his lighter moods. Ominous strings and whispery voices. Lyrics with tension.

A song as a story. A story as a song. A mind melting mood piece.
Title: Re: The Punishment, The end
Post by: StephenM on April 09, 2023, 01:54:01 PM
lighter mood?  sinister!  yeah... it is all good til it ain't...
The Beatles would not have the guts to do this!

out there but it is great.
Title: Re: The Punishment, The end
Post by: DarrenG / The Devil's Toupee on April 10, 2023, 03:06:04 AM
This is fascinating to listen to..you are great at storytelling. The unsettling music makes the tension build up perfectly. You've got the music just right, those low strings and the high Staccato violins with those high stabs are great. This could be from a musical.
Title: Re: The Punishment, The end
Post by: SE on April 15, 2023, 06:36:56 PM
Atmospheric with a great vocal which has a almost acting performance.
Theatrical is word I'm looking for, just cool!!